Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Spongebob: Quick, Patrick. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?
Patrick: Um...more time for thinking?
Mr. Krabs: Alright, Plankton! It's Eugene Krabs, here, with, What's-His-Name! Now come on out!
Plankton: I can't.
Mr. Krabs: Come on outside, and take what's coming to you!
Plankton: I really can't come outside!
SpongeBob: Why not?
Plankton: Because I'm already out here, you bumbling bottom feeders! Open your eyes for crying out loud!
Squidward: Spongebob, are you trying to drive me to the nut house?
Spongebob: No. Just into this hole.
Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
SpongeBob: You mean like this?
[At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back.]
SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
Mr. Krabs: The health inspector is here! If he finds one health violation, he'll shut us down for good! We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab!
Spongebob Squarepants: But, Mr. Krabs, there's nothing to worry about. The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.
Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?
Spongebob Squarepants: Oh, Gary! Why didn't you tell me I was pushing you too hard?
Spongebob Squarepants: You did? Oh, Gary! Why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?
Spongebob Squarepants: You did?
Spongebob Squarepants: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new tactic.
Patrick Star: I got it! Let's get naked!
Spongebob Squarepants: No, lets save that for when we're selling real estate.
Squidward: [Answers phone.] Hello?
Squidward: Is it time already for you to ruin my day?
SpongeBob: Squidward! Help me! My house is shrinking and I woke up this morning and it was getting smaller...oh no!
Squidward: Yep, it is.
[Patrick comes out from his rock.]
Patrick: Is it time already to ruin Squid's day? [Falls off rock onto his furniture then jumps out with a tuxedo on.] Hey, SpongeBob, don't start without me!
Squidward: Sponge, we gotta eat something.
Spongebob: I heard in times of hardship, the pioneers would eat coral. No, maybe it wasn't coral. Maybe it was sand, no, mud.
Squidward: Give me the pizza!
Spongebob: Wait, I remember now. It was coral!
Squidward: Give it to me!
SpongeBob: I don't know how to say this Patrick, but our old pal Squidward, he's... He's pushing up daisies.
Patrick: Oh, I thought he was dead.