Squidward Tentacles: Welcome to the Krusty Krab, where it's almost as if the evolutionary clock ticks backwards.
Squidward Tentacles: Spongebob, this is the final straw. I'm going to move so far away, that I will be able to brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, walk out to the middle of the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where I do now.
TV announcer: Hi, there. Is this the final straw? Do you want to move so far away that you can brag about it? Would you rather tear out your brain stem, walk out in the middle of the nearest three-way-
Squidward Tentacles: Four-way.
TV announcer: Four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where you do now?
Squidward Tentacles: Spongebob, there's something I've been wanting to say to you since the day we met. Goodbye.
[Squidward believes Spongebob has swallowed an exploding pie.]
Squidward Tentacles: We gotta call the hospital!
Mr. Krabs: Won't do any good. I've seen this before. When that pie hits his lower intestine - boom!
Squidward Tentacles: You've seen this before?
Mr. Krabs: 11 times, as a matter of fact.
[Squidward calls the hospital anyway.]
Squidward Tentacles: Hello, doctor. Won't do any good? 11 times?!?
[Squidward and Spongebob beleive robots are taking over the world.]
Squidward Tentacles: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy.
Spongebob Squarepants: Hello, operator. Get me the navy.
Phone recording: Hello, you've reached the navy's automated phone service.
Spongebob Squarepants: Squidward! The robots are running the navy!
Spongebob Squarepants: Remember, Patrick. Flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
Patrick Star: I love you.
[Spongebob and Patrick have wrecked Mr. Krabs' first dollar.]
Patrick Star: This is all Mr. Krab's fault. If he hadn't had hung that stupid dollar in the first place. It's not as if it looks like any regular dollar. Why hang it? You could just stick any old dollar bill up on the wall and Krabs wouldn't know the difference! You might as well just reach into my wallet, take out a dollar, and put it on the wall.
Spongebob Squarepants: Patrick, take out your wallet.
Patrick Star: I don't see where you're going with this.
Squidward: [Muttering angrily from inside his house.]
Spongebob: Aww, Squidward's house sounds like it has an upset tummy.
Patrick: Must have been something that it ate.
Squidward: [Opens door.]
Spongebob: [Points at Squidward.] It ate Squidward.
Patrick: That'll do it.