Barely Legal - S5-E8
Connie: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed. So, you're going to have to leave. But Brian can stay.
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have this theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on a minute, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were twelve. But now you can't stand to look in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age nineteen, you're gonna be a worn out chalky skinned burlap sack that even your own stepdad won't want. How is that? Am I in the ballpark?
[Connie runs off crying].
Francine: The point is, there was a time when you two weren't always fighting.
Hayley: That was before I knew dad was a gun toting maniac.
Stan: Beatnik.
Hayley: Warmonger.
Stan: Chupacabra.
Hayley: I'm the mexican Bigfoot?
Stan: You heard her. She admitted it.
Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38
Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.
Dying For Pie / Imitation Krabs - S2-E6
Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Squidward: What?
My Problem With Popplers (a.k.a. The Problem With Popplers) - S2-E18
Fry/Bender: Pop a Poppler in your mouth, When you come to Fishy Joe's, What they're made of is a mystery, Where they come from, no one knows. You can pick 'em, you can lick 'em, You can chew 'em, you can stick 'em, And if you promise not to sue us, You can shove one up your nose.
Tree House of Horror X - S11-E4
[The Simpsons are driving down a road as fast as possible.]
Homer: Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me you'll save my life now.
[The gas needle immediately drops to empty and the car stops.]
Homer: D'oh.
Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9
Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.
Raven: Evil beware. We have waffles.
Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?
Jake's Mom: Your sister really looks up to you.
Jake Long: She's two feet tall! She looks up to everybody!
Interviewer: Well, can you... destroy the Earth?
Tick: Egad. I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff.
Egon Spengler: Notice the vacant stare, the completely mindless look. That could only mean one thing.
Winston Zeddemore (I): She's from California?
Egon Spengler: No. She's been hypnotized.
Courage: There's something fishy goin' on here, or my name is Stinky Looloo, and thank goodness it's not.
1337: Well... I'm one heck of a mama myself.
Discord: 'What fun is there in making sense?"
Duke: Excuse me. Are you a vandal? Driver told me vandals smash and break things.