Movie Quote Quiz

The Papal Chase - S4-E11

Lana: Do you need to get that?
Malory: No. I'm sure whoever it is...
Cheryl: It's the Vatican. Line one. Jesus! [Cheryl gasps.] Shit. I hope he didn't here that. [Cheryl gasps again.] Or that. Shit.
Malory: Just put him through, you idiot.
Cheryl: Okay! Jesus! [Cheryl gasps.] Shit.

Mole Hunt - S1-E1

Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer.
Archer: What?
Krenshaw: You think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Krenshaw: What if I had been real KGB?
Archer: I'd assume you'd be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

Lana: WHAT?!
Archer: Danger zone.

Malory Archer: An erection?! The thought of me dead gives you an erection!?
Sterling Archer: No! Just half a one, the other half would have really missed you. I mean, not.


Archer Vice: Baby Shower - S5-E6

Ray: No, we have to play games at the baby shower. There's Don't Drop the Baby, uh, Dirty Diaper Game.
Cyril: What in God's name is the Dirty Diaper Game?
Ray: Oh, my God, it's hilarious. You get a bunch of newborn diapers, then you microwave different candy bars...
Cyril: Stop! Yeah, let me stop you there because, if you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your eyes until you are blind.
Ray: Goddamn, Shawshank.


Trinette: What the shit!?
Archer: I know, I'm not normally a tattoo guy, but-
Trinette: Not yours, shitbrains! His!
Archer: Yeah, it's like we got each other's backs, right?
Trinette: You can't tattoo a frickin' baby!
Archer: That's what the tattoo guy said. Had to slip him an extra hundred bucks.
Trinette: How about I slip somebody a hundred bucks to throw acid in your face!?
Archer: Cost more than that I bet to buy acid, Trinette.

Archer: Mother! What is in his ass?!
Malory: Oh, please. Don't act like you've never seen a "marital aid" before.
Archer: Not in a dead prime minister's ass!
Malory: And you can stop repeating that! We've established where it is!

Lana: Well, go ahead and say it.
Archer: What?
Lana: That since we are going to die tomorrow, we should have sex.
Archer: Are you kidding? After seeing a tiger get murdered? Lana, I'm not in the mood! I mean, if you want to, I can watch while you masturbate, but just so you know, my heart's not going to be into it. It's going to be with that tiger's family. But, you know, go ahead and start.

Pam: What a hunk
Cheryl: Total sploosh.
Lana: Yeah, gotta give him a sploosh.
Ray: And whatever my equivalent of sploosh is. Which I guess is just sploosh. Only with semen.

Archer: I have to go. But if I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, sir.
Archer: I also need you to buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... Coarse.

Archer: Oh my God, you killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a call girl!
Archer: No, Cyril, when they’re dead, they’re just hookers!

Pam Poovey: Holy shitsnacks!

Lana Kane: Yuuuuuup!

Archer Vice: Southbound and Down - S5-E5

Factual error: When the bikers are chasing the bus, one of them crashes into the "Now Leaving Texarkana" sign. However, shortly before this, we see Cyril crashing into the sign reading "Austin. 105 miles." Texarkana is almost 350 miles from Austin.

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