Connie: You know, Meg, there's no dogs allowed. So, you're going to have to leave. But Brian can stay.
Brian Griffin: You know, Connie, I think I have this theory about why you're such a bitch.
Connie: Excuse me?
Meg Griffin: Brian, let's just go.
Brian Griffin: No, no, no, no, no, no. Hang on a minute, Meg, hang on. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving handjobs when you were twelve. But now you can't stand to look in the mirror because all you see is a whore. So you pick on Meg to avoid the inevitable realization that once your body's used up by age nineteen, you're gonna be a worn out chalky skinned burlap sack that even your own stepdad won't want. How is that? Am I in the ballpark?
[Connie runs off crying].
Peter Griffin: Your Honor, I call to the stand my surprise witness: The Ghost That Never Lies.
Peter Griffin: But only I can see him and hear him, so I'll tell you what he's doing and saying.
Child Welfare Agent: Objection, Your Honor! This is ridiculous!
Judge: Objection overruled. I'll allow it. You had better be going somewhere with this, Mr. Griffin.
Peter Griffin: Thank you, Your Honor. Ghost That Never Lies, did you witness the events that took place on that fateful day? You did. Well, how interesting. And do you see the culprit or culprits in this courtroom today? You do. Well, would you kindly point him or them out for this court? Don't point at me, you jackass!
Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids, that's the Nick-at-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangeif, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighter.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
Tree: Hot enough for ya?
Tree: I say, hot enough for ya?
Peter: Uh, yeah, I guess...Oh my God I'm... I'm communicating with nature! Uh uh, hey um... tree! If one of you falls and there's no-one around. D-do you make a noise?
Tree: Are you kidding? Scott fell last week, he hasn't shut up about it since!
Scott: Sure! Stand there and bitch! But would any of you take the time to help me!?
Tree #3: Ooh ooh, I'm playing the world's smallest violin, Scott. (00:17:38)
Stewie: Lois! I've got a gift for you. I'll give you a hint - it's in my pants and it's not a toaster.
Peter: I can not wait to taste this cake! The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
Lois: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
Peter: Well, there were only two left. And trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples. (00:20:20)
Lois: And your family gives you love. You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Well what could you and me do together?
Peter: *gasp* Lois! You've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oooh, oh I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money. (00:14:49)