Quagmire: Hey, who want's to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here! [Drinks]
Quagmire: Heh, you win!
Peter: All right! What do I win?
Quagmire: Another beer!
Peter: Oh I'm going for the high score!
Quagmire: Well actually, Charlie's got the high score.
Charlie: Hey, man! Your clock won't flush. (00:03:44)
Peter: Everybody I've got bad news. We've been cancelled.
Lois: Oh no Peter! How could they do that?
Peter: Well unfortuantely Lois, there's just no more room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that FOX has to make room for terrific shows like Dark Angel, Titus, Undeclared, Action, That 80's Show, Wonder Falls, Fast Lane, Andy Richter Controls The Universe, Skin, Girl's Club, Cracking Up, The Pitts, Firefly, Get Real, Freaky Links, Wanda At Large, Costello, The Lone Gunman, A Minute with Stan Hooper, Normal Ohio, Pasadena, Harsh Realm, Keen Eddy, The Street, American Embassy, Cedric The Entertainer, The Tick, Louie, And Greg The Bunny...
Lois: Is there no hope?
Peter: Well I suppose if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot.
Peter: Brian, I am just as non-competitive as anyone else. As a matter of fact I'm the most non-competitive, so I win.
I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2
[Stewie plays with his Sesame Street phone.]
Ernie's voice: Do you know what sound a cow makes?
Stewie: Don't toy with me Ernie! I've already dispatched with Mr.Hooper, I've got six armed men stationed outside Big Bird's nest and as for Linda, well it's rather difficult for a deaf woman to hear an assassin aproach, now isn't it?
Brian: Portrait of a Dog - S1-E7
Lois: I'm a little worried about Stewie.
Peter: Lois, can we stop talking about curtains for just a second?
Brian: Hey, Peter, it's seven o'clock and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?
Chris Griffin: Stewie, do you want a sundae?
Stewie: Yes, but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find...I shall kill you!
Diane Simmons: Quite a situation we've got here Tom.
Tom Tucker: Quite a situation we've got here Tom indeed, Diane.
Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says 'OOOOOOOO'.
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.
I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2
Meg: Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. If I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married, and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive? (00:04:43)
The Kiss Seen Around the World - S3-E8
Tom Tucker: Children washing cars, is there anything more arousing?
