Family Guy
Movie Quote Quiz

Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Brian: Whoa, ass ahoy. (00:02:28)

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Model Misbehavior - S4-E10

Peter Griffin: You know something, Lois? I think Meg was right. Lowering yourself and women and somethin' and all that noise!

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Stewie Kills Lois (1) - S6-E5

Ship captain: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to bar you from the aft section of the ship for the rest of the cruise.
Lois Griffin: Oh, we are so sorry. Peter, what the hell did you think you were doing?
Peter Griffin: Lois, it is called the "poop deck." That is why I pooped there.
Ship captain: You're disgusting!
Peter Griffin: And you're misleading.

[Lois is washing Stewie in the sink.]
Stewie: Not so hard, woman! You're washing a baby's hair, not cleaning the vomit off your party dress, you holiday drunk!

Petarded - S4-E6

Chris Griffin: My dad's smarter than your dad!
Meg Griffin: We have the same dad, you idiot.
Chris Griffin: Yeah, but mine's smarter!

A Hero Sits Next Door - S1-E5

[Peter learns Joe is in a wheelchair.]
Peter: Holy crip, he's a crapple.

Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... Like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
Peter: I drift in and out.

The Story on Page 1 - S2-E19

Peter Griffin: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
Brian Griffin: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.

[Joe Swanson is hanging on the edge of a waterfall in a sewer and Lois is trying to pull him up.]
Lois Griffin: Joe, I can't hold you! You're too heavy!
Joe Swanson: Lois! Pretend I'm one of your children!
[Lois begins to let go of his hand.]
Joe Swanson: Not Meg! Not Meg!

Peter: [to Lois.] Yeah, you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time, and I'M the man.

The Story on Page 1 - S2-E19

Peter Griffin: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France.

The Story on Page 1 - S2-E19

Brian Griffin: If I remember correctly, this is the Physics department.
Chris Griffin: That explains all the gravity.

Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother? - S3-E14

Officer: Hey, I recognize you. You're that black guy I saw on TV.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that's me.
Officer: [Into radio.] We have a stolen vehicle.
Peter Griffin: This is my...
Officer: [Into radio.] Subject getting beligerant.
Peter Griffin: I'm not...
Officer: [Into radio.] Officer down.

Fat Guy Strangler - S4-E17

Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor: [revealing comic he was reading.] Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes, it'll get dry. Now...
Lois: Please, please, we can't take any more schtick. Please just tell us, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: Oh, yeah, he's fine, he's just really fat.

Wasted Talent - S2-E20

Lois: Peter, you're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking.

Meg: Mom, Dad, am I ugly?
Lois: Of course not, sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Craig...Craig Hoffman? Hmmm, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.

Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?
[Lois giggles.]
Peter: Lois! You've got a sick mind.
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Lethal Weapons - S3-E7

Tom Tucker: I think I speak for all of us when I say that New York and everyone from there can fornicate themselves with an iron stick.

Tom Tucker: Due to an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmissions will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
[Both laugh.]
Cameraman: You guys, we're still on in Boston.
[Both stare in horror at the camera.].

Waiter: Your coffee, madam.
Lois: I'll pour it. You know, my family really isn't comfortable with being waited on like this.
Stewie: Cut my eggs!
Waiter: Your eggs are now cut, sir.
Stewie: Cut my milk!
Waiter: I can't cut your milk, sir.
Stewie: Imbecile! Freeze it, then cut it. If you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail, and I promise I won't make it easy for you.

Underage Peter - S14-E14

Plot hole: They're in the Clam complaining that they can't drink when they make the revelation that Brian can because he's technically 56. But Quagmire should be able to drink, as in a much earlier episode, he's revealed to be over 60.

More mistakes in Family Guy

Trivia: The voices of Brian, Stewie and Peter (as well as other minor characters) are all voiced by the creator, Seth Macfarlane.

More trivia for Family Guy

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