Best family TV quotes of all time

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SpongeBob SquarePants picture

Dying For Pie / Imitation Krabs - S2-E6

Mr. Krabs: What's the most important rule here?
Spongebob: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No, the other most important rule!
Spongebob: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: As long as you do that, the formula is safe.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off for tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: But what's today, but yesterday's tomorrow?
Squidward: What?

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The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air picture

Bang the Drum, Ashley - S1-E2

Vivian: Philip, when I met you, you were into James Brown.
Will: He liked James Brown?
Vivian: Even wore his hair like him.
Will: He had hair?

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Batman: The Animated Series picture

Christmas With the Joker - S1-E38

Joker: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg. The Batmobile lost a wheel and the Joker got awaaaaaaaaayyyyy.

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Gilmore Girls picture

Pilot - S1-E1

Rory: You look happy.
Lorelai: I am, kid.
Rory: Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

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A Series of Unfortunate Events picture

Violet Baudelaire: Why do you hate us so much?
Count Olaf: Because it's fun.

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The Legend of Korra picture

Night of a Thousand Stars - S2-E11

Korra: You have a battleship?
Varrick: Of course I do! I bought the first one they made! Named her the Zhu Li.
Bolin: You named your battleship after your assistant?
Varrick: Yep! They're both cold, heartless war machines.

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American Dragon: Jake Long picture

Jake's Mom: Your sister really looks up to you.
Jake Long: She's two feet tall! She looks up to everybody!

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The Andy Griffith Show picture

Opie's Group - S8-E9

Andy: Clara, sometimes a parent can't see what he should do, and sometimes it takes a person from the outside to show him. And I'd like to thank you.
Clara: Groovy.

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Charlie and Lola picture

The Most Wonderfullest Picnic in the Whole Wide World - S1-E12

Lola: Fun, fun, funny and sun, sun, sunny.
Lotta: Yum, yum, yummy in my tum, tum, tummy.

heartis
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What's New, Scooby-Doo? picture

Pompeii and Circumstance - S1-E12

Saladicus: Those who are about to fight, salute me. I am the Emperor Caesar Saladicus. Do you have any last requests?
Shaggy: Hold the anchovies.

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Leave It To Beaver picture

Ward Cleaver: It's that friend of Beaver's. You know, the one who always talks like he was just frightened by something.
June Cleaver: Whitey Whitney?
Ward Cleaver: That's it.

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Green Acres picture

Lisa Douglas: Could you keep it a secret from my husband? You see, I want to surprise him.
Ralph Monroe: My lips are sealed.
Hank Kimball: Now if we could only keep them that way.
Ralph Monroe: If you weren't so sexy, I'd beat your brains out.

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Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends picture

Sleeping Beauty - S4-E4

Duke: Excuse me. Are you a vandal? Driver told me vandals smash and break things.

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Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! picture

Never Ape and Ape Man - S1-E7

Daphne: That puts the stairs back. But I wonder what the other switches do?
Velma: Well, with your luck, Daph, the next button you push will bring the roof down. But, go ahead.

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The Suite Life of Zack and Cody picture

[London is opening a fashion boutique.]
Mr. Moseby: How's the boutique business coming, London?
London Tipton: it's going to be fabi! I'm putting purses over here and matching belts over there.
Mr. Moseby: And do you have a business plan?
London Tipton: Weren't you listening? I'm putting purses over here and matching belts over there.
Maddie Fitzpatrick: No, no, he's talking about financial planning. Ordering stock, taking inventory...
London Tipton: I said, I'm putting purses over here and matching belts over there.

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Hannah Montana picture

Miley Stewart: I can't believe it. I'm going out with a ninth grader! Wooo!
Robby Ray Stewart: Well, don't believe it, because I'm not letting you go. Wooo!

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Lazytown picture

Robbie Rotten: Have you ever heard the sound of a rubber ball breaking a window?
Trixie: Nuh uh.
Robbie Rotten: Would you like to?

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Home Improvement picture

Neighbours - S8-E20

New today
Tim: Al, why don't you tell us your favorite part of gardening?
Al: Well, I'd have to say it's getting down and dirty with my hoe.

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The Dick Van Dyke Show picture

Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead.
Rob Petrie: Who's that?
Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.
Rob Petrie: Then how do you know him?
Laura Petrie: Oh Rob, he's famous.

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Boy Meets World picture

Risky Business - S1-E16

[Cory and Shawn are listening to the radio for the results of a horse race.]
Radio Announcer: And now the results of the fifth race at Pimlico.
Cory: Come on Neckflap, baby!
Radio Announcer: And the winner is Ne... [Cory accidentally unplugs the radio before he hears the result.]
Cory: Nuh!? What kind of name is Nuh!?
Shawn: You idiot, you ripped the plug out of the wall!
Cory: Well he said "Nuh." It's gotta be Neckflap. What other horse starts with "Nuh"?
Shawn: [reading the names of the horses from the newspaper.] Okay, we got uh, Neckflap, Nux Vomica, uh, Nunzio's Dream, and remarkably a horse called Nuh.

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