The West Wing
Movie Quote Quiz

Pilot - S1-E1

C.J. Cregg: Is there anything I can say other than the President rode his bicycle into a tree?
Leo McGarry: He hopes never to do it again.
C.J. Cregg: Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
Leo McGarry: He rode his bicycle into a tree, C.J., what do you want me - the President, while riding his bicycle, came to a sudden arboreal stop.

Pilot - S1-E1

Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
Sam Seaborn: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss. And it's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam Seaborn: President of the United States.

He Shall, from Time to Time - S1-E12

Donna: So, if the Capitol Building blows up...
Josh: Yes.
Donna: The man my country will be looking to is the secretary of agriculture.
Josh: It's my country too.
Donna: Yeah, but you’ll be dead.
Josh: Which is why I really don't care that much.

Debate Camp - S4-E5

President Josiah Bartlet: My daughters are here?
Abbey Bartlet: Are you kidding? Ellie's wearing makeup.
President Josiah Bartlet: Well, I don't approve of that.
Abbey Bartlet: You understand she's 27, right?
President Josiah Bartlet: I don't approve of that, either.

Game On - S4-E6

Josh Lyman: I got it. I read it. It was good stuff. It's possible the salient details escape me.

20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

President Josiah Bartlet: I'm going to find out anyway. What I lack in memory, I more than make up for with exceptional powers of deductive reasoning.

20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

Sam Seaborn: Do we have some sort of condensed, Reader's Digest index of... Well, all human knowledge?
Ginger: We usually just use Margaret.

20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

Sam Seaborn: Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright.

Pilot - S1-E1

Toby Ziegler: You think the United States is under attack from 1,200 Cubans in rowboats?
Sam Seaborn: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby Ziegler: Mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.

Pilot - S1-E1

Leo McGarry: [on the phone with the New York Times.] 17 across. Yes,17 across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I met the man twice. And I recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how...
C.J. Cregg: Leo.
Leo McGarry: They hang up on me every time.

Pilot - S1-E1

Leo McGarry: He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham, your president's a geek.

Pilot - S1-E1

John Van Dyke: If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?
President Josiah Bartlet: No.
John Van Dyke: Really?
President Josiah Bartlet: On the other hand, I think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography.

Pilot - S1-E1

Mallory O'Brian: I'm sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
Sam Seaborn: In this particular area, yes.
Mallory O'Brian: The 18th president was Ulysses S. Grant and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
Sam Seaborn: Really?
Mallory O'Brian: There's like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
Sam Seaborn: I should have put two and two together.
Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
Sam Seaborn: The thing is while there really are a great many things on which I can speak with authority, I'm not good at talking about the White House.
Mallory O'Brian: You're the White House Deputy Communications Director and you're not good at talking about the White House?
Sam Seaborn: Ironic, isn't it?

Shibboleth - S2-E8

C.J.: Sorry to ask you this, sir, but...
President Bartlet: Not too late to stop yourself.
C.J.: I need you to pardon a turkey.
President Bartlet: I already pardoned a turkey.
C.J.: I need you to pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Didn't I do it right?
C.J.: You did it great, but I need you to come out here and pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Aren't I going to get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?
C.J.: Sir, can you come out here and just get this over with?
President Bartlet: No, I'm not gonna just get this... What the hell's going on?
C.J.: They sent me two turkeys. The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
President Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.

He Shall, from Time to Time - S1-E12

C.J. Cregg: What are you taking?
President Josiah Bartlet: I don't know. My wife hands me pills, I swallow them with water.
Sam Seaborn: Sir?
President Josiah Bartlet: Vitamin C, Vitamin B. Is it possible I'm taking something called euthanasia?
Sam Seaborn: Echinacea?
President Josiah Bartlet: Ah, that sounds more like it.

Leo McGarry: How are you doing, Ainsley?
Ainsley Hayes: [Nervous.] I'm concerned about peeing on your carpet.
Leo McGarry: Ok, well, now I am too.
Ainsley Hayes: Can I use your bathroom?
Leo McGarry: Sure.
[She walks into the closet.]
President Bartlet: Where is she?
Sam Seaborn: In the closet.
President Bartlet: Come on out Ainsley. What were you doing in the closet?
Ainsley Hayes: I had to pee.
President Bartlet: They wont let me smoke inside, but you can pee in Leo's closet.

Leo McGarry: You can sign the president's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo McGarry: On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?
Leo McGarry: I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat.
Margaret: I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo McGarry: I would think.

Toby: A hooker?
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Oh, well that's a distinction that's going to be very important to the grand jury.

Josh: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista. Wow, that was way too far.
C.J.: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.

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