The West Wing

Pilot - S1-E1

C.J. Cregg: Is there anything I can say other than the President rode his bicycle into a tree?
Leo McGarry: He hopes never to do it again.
C.J. Cregg: Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
Leo McGarry: He rode his bicycle into a tree, C.J., what do you want me - the President, while riding his bicycle, came to a sudden arboreal stop.

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President Josiah Bartlet: What's next?

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Pilot - S1-E1

Laurie: Tell your friend POTUS he's got a funny name, and he should learn how to ride a bicycle.
Sam Seaborn: I would, but he's not my friend, he's my boss. And it's not his name, it's his title.
Laurie: POTUS?
Sam Seaborn: President of the United States.

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Debate Camp - S4-E5

President Josiah Bartlet: My daughters are here?
Abbey Bartlet: Are you kidding? Ellie's wearing makeup.
President Josiah Bartlet: Well, I don't approve of that.
Abbey Bartlet: You understand she's 27, right?
President Josiah Bartlet: I don't approve of that, either.

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Game On - S4-E6

Josh Lyman: I got it. I read it. It was good stuff. It's possible the salient details escape me.

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20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

President Josiah Bartlet: I'm going to find out anyway. What I lack in memory, I more than make up for with exceptional powers of deductive reasoning.

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20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

Sam Seaborn: Do we have some sort of condensed, Reader's Digest index of... Well, all human knowledge?
Ginger: We usually just use Margaret.

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20 Hours in America: Part I - S4-E1

Sam Seaborn: Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Toby Ziegler: You think the United States is under attack from 1,200 Cubans in rowboats?
Sam Seaborn: I'm not saying I don't like our chances.
Toby Ziegler: Mind-boggling to me we ever won an election.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Leo McGarry: [on the phone with the New York Times.] 17 across. Yes,17 across is wrong... You're spelling his name wrong... What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I met the man twice. And I recommended a pre-emptive Exocet missile strike against his air force, so I think I know how...
C.J. Cregg: Leo.
Leo McGarry: They hang up on me every time.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Leo McGarry: He's a klutz, Mrs. Landingham, your president's a geek.

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Pilot - S1-E1

John Van Dyke: If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?
President Josiah Bartlet: No.
John Van Dyke: Really?
President Josiah Bartlet: On the other hand, I think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Mallory O'Brian: I'm sorry to be rude, but are you a moron?
Sam Seaborn: In this particular area, yes.
Mallory O'Brian: The 18th president was Ulysses S. Grant and the Roosevelt Room was named for Theodore.
Sam Seaborn: Really?
Mallory O'Brian: There's like a six-foot painting on the wall of Teddy Roosevelt.
Sam Seaborn: I should have put two and two together.
Mallory O'Brian: Yes.
Sam Seaborn: The thing is while there really are a great many things on which I can speak with authority, I'm not good at talking about the White House.
Mallory O'Brian: You're the White House Deputy Communications Director and you're not good at talking about the White House?
Sam Seaborn: Ironic, isn't it?

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Shibboleth - S2-E8

C.J.: Sorry to ask you this, sir, but...
President Bartlet: Not too late to stop yourself.
C.J.: I need you to pardon a turkey.
President Bartlet: I already pardoned a turkey.
C.J.: I need you to pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Didn't I do it right?
C.J.: You did it great, but I need you to come out here and pardon another one.
President Bartlet: Aren't I going to get a reputation for being soft on turkeys?
C.J.: Sir, can you come out here and just get this over with?
President Bartlet: No, I'm not gonna just get this... What the hell's going on?
C.J.: They sent me two turkeys. The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
President Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.

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He Shall, from Time to Time - S1-E12

Donna: So, if the Capitol Building blows up...
Josh: Yes.
Donna: The man my country will be looking to is the secretary of agriculture.
Josh: It's my country too.
Donna: Yeah, but you’ll be dead.
Josh: Which is why I really don't care that much.

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He Shall, from Time to Time - S1-E12

C.J. Cregg: What are you taking?
President Josiah Bartlet: I don't know. My wife hands me pills, I swallow them with water.
Sam Seaborn: Sir?
President Josiah Bartlet: Vitamin C, Vitamin B. Is it possible I'm taking something called euthanasia?
Sam Seaborn: Echinacea?
President Josiah Bartlet: Ah, that sounds more like it.

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Leo McGarry: How are you doing, Ainsley?
Ainsley Hayes: [Nervous.] I'm concerned about peeing on your carpet.
Leo McGarry: Ok, well, now I am too.
Ainsley Hayes: Can I use your bathroom?
Leo McGarry: Sure.
[She walks into the closet.]
President Bartlet: Where is she?
Sam Seaborn: In the closet.
President Bartlet: Come on out Ainsley. What were you doing in the closet?
Ainsley Hayes: I had to pee.
President Bartlet: They wont let me smoke inside, but you can pee in Leo's closet.

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Leo McGarry: You can sign the president's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo McGarry: On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?
Leo McGarry: I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat.
Margaret: I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
Leo McGarry: I would think.

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Toby: A hooker?
Sam: Call girl.
Toby: Oh, well that's a distinction that's going to be very important to the grand jury.

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Josh: You know what, CJ? I really think I'm the best judge of what I mean, you paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista. Wow, that was way too far.
C.J.: No. No. Well, I've got a staff meeting to go to and so do you, you elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean's-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.
Josh: Feel better getting that off your chest there, C.J.?
C.J.: I'm a whole new woman.

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Mistakes

In Season 1, Episodes 5&6, it's mentioned several times that Zoey is already 19 a few weeks before she starts college. Yet in this episode, Charlie points out to Leo and the President later tells Oliver Babbish that Zoey was 17 when she was filling out her enrollment forms for college, therefore a parent had to sign them. These are enrollment forms, not application forms - it's extremely unlikely that they were filled out over a year before she started school.

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Trivia

The theme tune heard for the show "Capital Beat" is actually the theme music for the UK's "News at Ten" on ITV.

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