Best TV quotes of all time

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In the Heat of the Night picture

J.J. Jeffson: Well, you know what the Lord says: "Go forth and multiply, and fill the earth."
Bill Gillespie: But I don't think he meant for you to do that by yourself.

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Archer picture

Mole Hunt - S1-E1

Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer.
Archer: What?
Krenshaw: You think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Krenshaw: What if I had been real KGB?
Archer: I'd assume you'd be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

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Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends picture

Sleeping Beauty - S4-E4

Duke: Excuse me. Are you a vandal? Driver told me vandals smash and break things.

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Luther picture

DSU Martin Schenk: I know men like you the way you know men like me, and I know you wouldn't have done this if you believed there was the least chance of it coming back on you. Well, guess what: it's come back on you like the Hand of God, and the next words from your mouth will determine the weight and velocity of the staggering tonnage of shit that's about to plummet onto your head.

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The Originals picture

Klaus Mikaelson: You rant and rave about the monster I have become, but you, mother, you are the author of everything I am.

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The 100 picture

Day Trip - S1-E8

Conner: Tell me again.
Raven: You're the most beautiful broom in a broom closet of brooms.

balistener

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Rick and Morty picture

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Bishop73

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The Walking Dead picture

I Ain't a Judas - S3-E11

Carol: haven't had a chance to say, I'm glad you came back.
Daryl: To what? All this?
Carol: This is our home.
Daryl: This is a tomb.
Carol: That's what T-Dog called it, thought he was right, until you found me. He's your brother, but he's not good for you. Don't let him bring you down. After all look how far you've come.

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Are You Being Served? picture

Mr. Humphries: I'm free!

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The Incredible Hulk picture

David Banner: Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

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24 (2001)

24 picture

Day 6: 6:00 AM - 7:00 AM - S6-E1

Jack Bauer: Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn't want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.

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Angel picture

Waiting In The Wings - S3-E13

Cordelia: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
Cordelia: What did you just call me?
Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
Cordelia: No, after that.

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Three's Company picture

Stanley Roper: I want my rent.
Helen Roper: Stanley, where are your manners? You're supposed to say hello when you walk into a room.
Stanley Roper: Hello, I want my rent.

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Law & Order: Special Victims Unit picture

Born Psychopath - S14-E19

Dr. Huang: I'm conflicted about labeling a ten year old a psychopath. But...
Don Cragen: "But"?
Dr. Huang: I've had a chill like that two times in my life. With death row serial killers.

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Quantum Leap picture

Sam: Leaping about in time, I've found that there are some things in life that I can't change, and there are some things that I can. To save a life, to change a heart, to make the right choice. I guess that's what life's about, making the right choice at the right time.

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