Sometimes You Hear the Bullet - S1-E17
Henry Blake: All I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war, and rule number one is that young men die. And rule number two is that doctors can't change rule number one.
Captain Stanley: How are you and Brice getting along?
Roy: Fine. Fine. We're getting along just fine.
Captain Stanley: Thought for a while there might be a little personality problem.
Roy: No, I can work with just about anybody. I can get along with just about anybody.
Captain Stanley: Glad to hear that.
Roy: Just might have to bust him in the mouth to do it.
The Reunion - S1-E14
Ike: How's it feel to be a working man?
John-Boy: Ike, Mama would skin me alive! Everyone knows those two ladies make bootleg whiskey.
Ike: But they don't know what they're doing. They're just following their papa's Recipe.
John-Boy: But sometimes they sell it!
Ike: Yeah, but they're just like two little girls by a roadside selling lemonade.
Mr. Humphries: I'm free!
Thomas Banacek: If you're not sure that it's potato borscht, there could be orphans working in the mines.
Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.
Howard Borden: I was, uh, just decorating my Christmas tree and I was wondering, is there a trick to stringing cranberry sauce?
Dr. Arthur Harmon: No offense Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
Maude Findlay: No offense Arthur, but that's the only way you'd ever touch me.
Grayson Sinclair: Mother not around?
Matthew King: Mine? No, she's been dead twenty years mate.
Shaggy: Man, I don't know what's worse... Those Muck Men, or Cass Elliot's driving.
Scooby: Cass Elliot's driving!