Winchester: But, know this. You can cut me off from the civilized world. You can incarcerate me with two moronic cellmates. You can torture me with your thrice-daily swill, but can not break the spirit of a Winchester. My voice shall be heard from this wilderness, and I shall be delivered from this fetid and festering sewer.
Potter: I think he's getting the hang of this place.
Frank Burns: Courage is something you shouldn't be afraid to have.
Gen. Barker: What are you doing?
Radar: Doing, sir?
Barker: D-O-I-N-G. Doing. What are you doing?
Radar: Uh, listening to you spell doing sir.
Barker: Doesn't Col. Blake mind you drinking his whiskey and smoking his cigars?
Radar: Oh, very much so, sir.
Barker: Then why are you doing it?
Radar: Well, I don't mind, and I figured as long as one of us was being reasonable.
PA System: Attention all personnel. Due to the shortage of oil and wood, tonight's movie will be burned at 1800.
Radar: Sir, there's someone waiting to see you.
Henry Blake: I was born with someone waiting to see me.
Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?
Radar: One of us has to.
Frank Burns: I love it here.
Col. Potter: Either you or Klinger is nuts. Now I have to figure out which one.
Maj. Burns: You're losing half your apple sauce. Apples don't grow on trees, you know.