PA System: Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today.
Margaret: Act like a man, you sniveling twerp!
BJ: Radar, old buddy, looking at you is like looking at money in the bank
Radar: All the other tents, they just say 'hello'
BJ: Would you like to join us?
Radar: What are you playing?
Hawkeye: Double Kranko
Radar: Yeah.
Hawkeye: Uh, bishops are worth three jacks...
Radar: Right...
Hawkeye: Checkers are wild...
Radar: Uh-huh
Hawkeye: And...you have to be twenty-one or older to open
BJ: Care to sit in for a hand?
Hawkeye: You'll get out by dawn.
Radar: Ah, no, thank you, sirs. Whenever I lose, I like to know why.
Colonel Flagg: I could kill you with one finger.
Henry Blake: Klinger! It's four o'clock in the afternoon and you're still in a housecoat? Put on a dress! You never know who might be coming around.
White Gold - S3-E23
Frank: Well, he, uh, ordered me to leave. He's a superior officer.
Henry: He's a superior psycho. His head's so twisted, he's gotta screw his cap on.
Mad Dogs and Servicemen - S3-E13
Frank: Corporal Travis, Richard. To Tokyo. Typical psycho case, shell shock.
Trapper: Frank, that's straight outta World War One! Nobody thinks shell shock anymore.
Frank: Oh, what's the diff? Too much action gets them in the old brain box; makes even the best soldier gaga.
Trapper: Frank, I defy you to show me a medical book that lists the word 'gaga'.
Frank: [after Hawkeye hits him] Captain Pierce, I accuse you of striking a superior officer. A court-martial offense under the Articles of War. And I have two witnesses!
Trapper: [to Hawkeye] I didn't see anything, did you?
Hawkeye: My back was turned. [Drops towel in Frank's face.] BA-DUM-BUMP!
Trapper: Case dismissed.
Frank: [on Margaret's request] I just can't do it, Margaret. It just rubs against the grain. "Neither a lender nor a borrower be." Polonius.
Margaret: "To give, and not count the cost." St. Ignatius Loyola
Frank: "The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet, and steady, and loyal and enduring a nature, that it will last throughout a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money." Mark Twain.
Margaret: "Blow it out your ear!" Margaret Houlihan.
General Mitchell: Now wait a minute! This is a press conference! The last thing I want to do is answer a lot of questions.
Frank: Haven't you two anything better to do when you're off duty than to lie around and swill gin?
Hawkeye: Swill gin?! Sir, I have sipped, lapped, and taken gin intravenously, but I have never swilled.
Pierce: Listen, Frank. We're all gonna make nice for Captain Hildebrandt today, but don't push us.
Burns: Well, a shave wouldn't be a bad start. You both look more like bums than doctors.
Trapper: Actually, I was, uh, I was thinking of becoming a bum doctor. But the proctology class was full!
Burns: HA! HA! HA!
Henry Blake: You're always wrong, Frank. That's what's so right about you.
Dr. Sidney Freedman: I haven't washed my hands since I became a psychiatrist.
Col. Potter: Please excuse these two, they're themselves today.
Henry Blake: Do we have enough sherry and ginger-ale for the General?
Radar: Oh, nobody does, sir.
Henry Blake: Oh, fine then, if nobody does we don't have to, but make sure we do, just in case we don't.
Answer: Even an Army field hospital would have SOME weapons for self-defense if the enemy attacked. What's meant is that it's not a combat outfit, and therefore wouldn't have enough weapons to actually attack anyone. (It's also mentioned a few times that the Officer of the Watch is supposed to carry a pistol at all times, but Hawkeye refuses to do it when he's in charge and Colonels Blake and Potter don't enforce the rule).
Captain Defenestrator