Sanford and Son

Sanford and Son (1972)

40 quotes

(1 vote)

Movie Quote Quiz

Lamont Sanford: What's the matter with you, man?
Fred Sanford: Didn't you read the paper?
Lamont Sanford: No. What happened?
Fred Sanford: Well look here: Lucy stole Linus' blanket and hid it in Snoopy's dog house.
Lamont Sanford: I'm glad you told me, now I won't have to watch the 11:00 news.

Fred Sanford: I told you, I don't want no dentist to be fooling around in my mouth.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Fred Sanford: Because they make me nervous. All them drills and chisels and screw drivers they be sticking down your mouth. They don't even care if they hurt you or not, they just yank you and thank you.

Melvin: Did you listen to your father?
Fred Sanford: Every time he raised that strap, he had my complete attention.

Officer Swanhauser: Was the suspect colored?
Fred Sanford: Yeah, white.

Fred Sanford: Listen, Esther. In the first place, you can't enter that contest because your not eligible. See one of the things you have to be is a part of a certain race.
Woody Anderson: What race?
Fred Sanford: Human.

Fred Sanford: For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

Grady Wilson: Fred told me to keep you out of this garden.
Aunt Esther: Oh he did huh?
Grady Wilson: Yea, Fred said just because he planted a garden of Eden, there was no reason to let the serpent in.

Fred Sanford: We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?
Lamont Sanford: The oven don't work.
Fred Sanford: Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or.
Lamont Sanford: Would you stop that?

TV Announcer: Coming up next is a new show about today's teenagers entitled, "All in the Family Way."
Fred Sanford: What?

Lamont Sanford: Don't be ridiculous, Pop, you can't fight a traffic ticket.
Fred Sanford: I'm not being ridiclous. You are. Now look, you get a ticket by a white cop in a blue uniform in a black neighborhood, making you so mad you see red. And you ain't gonna fight it 'cause you too yellow. Now what are you? A man or a box of crayons?

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, you have been sinning and transgressing all your life. If the Lord wanted to strike you down, he'll find ya. Even if you were going to Las Vegas.

Fred Sanford: All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can have her face buried at sea.

Fred Sanford: I'm 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I'd settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.

Desk Lady: Address?
Fred Sanford: 9114 South Central.
Desk Lady: Oh, that's in Watts?
Fred Sanford: It sure ain't Beverly Hills.

Lawyer: We may have to go all the way to the highest court in the land.
Fred Sanford: All the way.
Lawyer: And you're willing 100%?
Fred Sanford: All the way. See, this is America, where a right makes might, where justice is blind, where law is king, where a man should be able to persue his democratic right no matter what it costs him in time, effort and/or money.
Lawyer: Okay, I'll need about $10 to file the complaint.
Fred Sanford: I'll drop the case.

Fred Sanford: For $500 dollars, I can turn Yewell Gibbons into a meatloaf freak.

Fred Sanford: Let's do like they did in the Bible: Moses spread his arms out and the Red Sea divided.
Lamont Sanford: So we're gonna do like Moses?
Fred Sanford: No, we're gonna do like the Red Sea and split.

Aunt Esther: The next time you see that creep Woodrow, you tell him his behind is grass... and I am the lawnmower.

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