Best TV quotes of all time

Nick Miller: You're a freaking gold digger, Jess.
Jess: Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world.

Yankee White - S1-E1

Gibbs: I heard you quit, Agent Todd.
Kate Todd: Happy news travels fast. Yes, I resigned. It was the right thing to do.
Gibbs: Yep. Pull that crap at NCIS, I won't give you a chance to resign.
Kate Todd: Is that a job offer?

Haven Is for Real - S3-E5

[Watching a dreadful performance by James Dean.]
Josh: I gotta get some air.
Abraham Lincoln: I don't blame you. This is the worst theater experience I've ever had.

Jon Sandys ★

Coach Toomey: Actually, Burdett never made the team.
Carl Kolchak: No?
Coach Toomey: You see, his butterfly stroke was like an effeminate moth.

Adam Demamp: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar.

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers - S2-E8

Berta: Well gadzooks! Zippy's got his freak on.
Charlie: Yeah he has.
Berta: Well if they can put a man on the moon they can put a woman on your brother. (00:03:04)

Ssiscool ★

Narrator: Centuries ago in Japan, Nighlok monsters invaded our world, but samurai warriors defeated them with power symbols, passed down from parent to child. Today the evil Nighlok have risen once again and plan to flood the earth. Luckily, a new generation of heroes stand in their way. They are the Power Rangers Samurai.

Joe: If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas.

I, E.T. - S1-E7

John: It's kinda like Louisiana. Or Dagobah. Dagobah...where Yoda lives.
Aeryn: Who's Yoda?
John: Just a little green guy...trains warriors.

Super Grover ★

Destro: Premature panic is the sign of an immature mind.

Michael Kyle: Well, guess what Junior? You're from the mean streets of Stamford, Connecticut.

Greg: You wanna have children?
Dharma: Yeah, unless you wanna have 'em.

Alice: I'm all ears. Well I'm not all ears... I'm face and tummy and legs and lots of other bits, including some rather private bits I only let a doctor see. Only he wasn't a doctor, and he got arrested soon after.

Wednesday: Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn't believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies. Signed Wednesday and Pugsley Addams.

Blink - S1-E1

Mac Taylor: You're not a doctor. You're a murderer with a medical degree.

Dori: Guns don't kill people.
Sledge Hammer: Yeah, bullets do.

Pilot - S1-E1

Georgie: Admit it, he's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.
Missy: I wish I was adopted.
Mary: That can still be arranged.

Cubs Fan ★

Hank Moody: You're so beautiful you're almost ugly.

Michael: You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.

Rev. Morgan Hamilton: We cannot fight hate with hate. What are we teaching our children today? That will make things better tomorrow?