Scrubs (2001)

Elliot: Dr. Cox, does this lipstick make me look like a clown?
Dr. Cox: No, Barbie... It makes you look like a prostitute who caters exclusively TO clowns.

Dr. Cox: People are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling.

My Unicorn - S4-E11

Dr. Cox: I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it.

Carla: You can deny you like her all you want. But, I know for a fact, that every time you guys are done "playing racquetball" or "having a conversation" or whatever it is you crazy kids are calling it, you like nothing more than to just lie next to Jordan and watch her sleep.
Dr. Cox: It would be impossible for me to lie next to Jordan, she sleeps hanging from a ramp in the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.

My Unicorn - S4-E11

Dr. Cox: This moment is so great I'd cheat on that other moment from before, marry this one and raise a family of little moments!

Turk: This guy needs brain work, this guy needs a heart...
JD: This one needs courage.
Turk: Helping or hurting, JD? Helping or hurting?

JD: Who put this mistletoe up?
The Janitor: I did. I drove around the whole city before my 5 AM shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
JD: But I've only worked here three months.

Turk: Dr. Kelso, I would like to request a new imaging machine.
Kelso: Certainly, you will just have to fill out a 3T form.
Turk: What's a 3T form?
Kelso: Tough Titties Turkleton.

ckbyers

My Advice to You - S3-E6

Dr. Kelso: If your grandmother were here, wouldn't you want her doctor to spend as much time with her as he does with anyone else?
JD: Grandma Dorian or Nana Hobbs? Because Nana Hobbs can be an eensy bit racist.
Dr. Kelso: Grandma Dorian.
JD: She's dead.

My Interpretation - S2-E20

JD: Look, uh... Janitor...I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis, and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
JD: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
JD: Oh, I was outside, in the bushes.
Janitor: Uhhh...
JD: Look, it was just a coincidence, man - I mean, i-i-if you had looked out the window, you'd have seen my penis, you know!
Janitor: What?! Why?!
JD: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours!

My Office - S4-E2

[Looking at X-ray revealing a lightbulb in the patient.]
Dr. Cox: Well, I'll tell you there Bobbo, either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea.

Janitor: You seem unhappy. I like that.

Dr. Kelso: What's got two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? [points to himself with his thumbs.] Bob Kelso!

My Common Enemy - S4-E7

Dr. Kelso: I brought you a gift for your trip to Mexico. My old Spanish to English dictionary. I don't need it anymore because I've already mastered the language.
Dr. Molly: Oh, gracias, senor.
Dr. Kelso: You're welcome-o.

Turk: Say it!
JD: I'm your biatch.

My Unicorn - S4-E11

Turk: You know, I never get chocolate cake.
Elliot: Oh, right, cause you're diabetic. Boo hoo. You know Turk, if you want sympathy, get a disease people can see!

Dr. Cox: You want some advice? No matter where you go in life, always keep an eye out for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer's patient.
JD: Now what's that supposed to mean?
[A patient flies in from offscreen, dragging JD through a door.]
Johnny: Who am I!?

Dr. Cox: Hey, Betty. Hey, Wilma. Oh, what the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I... Do I smell beer?
JD: Uh, we... Uh, we had a few.
Dr. Cox: Newsflash, you can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.

Dr. Cox: Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside somebody's clogged artery when all that person has to do, really is - oh, I don't know - go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that? And, I know here, I know I'm supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap, but you wanna hear the God's honest truth? And this is a fact: you are what you eat. And you went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?