Best comedy TV quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Animaniacs picture

Man: Do you know who I am?
Yakko: Why? Did you forget?

More Animaniacs quotes
Archer picture

Mole Hunt - S1-E1

Krenshaw: Jesus, Archer.
Archer: What?
Krenshaw: You think this is a game?
Archer: No, I think Jenga's a game.
Krenshaw: What if I had been real KGB?
Archer: I'd assume you'd be trying to suck a promotion out of some Russian guy's cock.

More Archer quotes
Rick and Morty picture

Something Ricked This Way Comes - S1-E9

Rick: Cute, your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Ooh. Oh, boy, Rick, I, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know.
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I, I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Bishop73

More Rick and Morty quotes
More Seinfeld quotes
Are You Being Served? picture

Mr. Humphries: I'm free!

More Are You Being Served? quotes
More The Orville quotes
Three's Company picture

Stanley Roper: I want my rent.
Helen Roper: Stanley, where are your manners? You're supposed to say hello when you walk into a room.
Stanley Roper: Hello, I want my rent.

More Three's Company quotes
More That '70s Show quotes
The Royle Family picture

Mary Carroll: Look at Anthony's hair. He looks like a little choir boy.
Jim Royle: He looks like a little gay boy.

More The Royle Family quotes
The Nanny picture

Niles: You know, the next time you give your clothes away, why don't you just stay in them?

More The Nanny quotes
More Taxi quotes
The A-Team picture

Murdock: I wish I could just jump in the water and live like a fish.
B.A. Baracus: Shut up fool, you ain't no fish.

More The A-Team quotes
The Story of Tracy Beaker picture

Elaine "The Pain" Boyack: I'm very good with children, it's just, just that Tracy Beaker's not very good at being a child.

More The Story of Tracy Beaker quotes
Hannah Montana picture

Miley Stewart: I can't believe it. I'm going out with a ninth grader! Wooo!
Robby Ray Stewart: Well, don't believe it, because I'm not letting you go. Wooo!

More Hannah Montana quotes
The Tick picture

Interviewer: Well, can you... destroy the Earth?
Tick: Egad. I hope not. That's where I keep all my stuff.

More The Tick quotes
Good Times picture

James: We are poor, and poor is one of three things people don't want to be. Right next to sick, and dead.

More Good Times quotes
Modern Family picture

Jay Pritchett: God knows I couldn't love them more, but even the Kennedy's didn't get together this often.

More Modern Family quotes
Becker picture

Dr. John Becker: The world is full of idiots, and someone needs to point it out to them or they will never know.

More Becker quotes
Sanford and Son picture

Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.

More Sanford and Son quotes
Green Acres picture

TV Kiddie Show Host: Sure, I remember that kid, he had on the most realistic looking pig costume I've ever seen. He won first prize.
Oliver Douglas: No, you don't understand, Arnold is a real PIG.
TV Kiddie Show Host: I'll say he is! We had five gallons of ice cream for those kids, and he ate every bit of it himself.

More Green Acres quotes