Best comedy TV quotes of all time

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Movie Quote Quiz
Recess picture

King Bob: So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

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Grounded for Life picture

Henry Finnerty: Wow, that ride must be really scary. Those two guys are holding hands.
James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's the line for cotton candy.

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Gimme, Gimme, Gimme picture

Linda La Hughes: There aint no such thing as bisexuality, it's just greediness.

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Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency picture

Horizons - S1-E1

Detective Estevez: You didn't...see anything weird this morning, did you Mr. Brotzman?
Todd Brotzman: Yes. No. M-Maybe. I don't know.
Detective Estevez: Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question? Eyebrows. [Detective Zimmerman raises his eyebrows].

Bishop73

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The Fairly OddParents picture

Wandisimo: Principles, much like my biceps, are muy bonito.

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Mork & Mindy picture

Mork's Mixed Emotions - S1-E20

Orson: You opened the door to your emotions, didn't you?
Mork: Yes, Sir.
Orson: You realise you've broken the highest Orkan law. It is my duty to report you to the Council.
Mork: I understand. But I don't regret what I've done, sir. You see, for the first time in my life, I feel really alive, I feel fantastic! Oh, I wish you could try it! I wish you could feel some of the things I've been feeling!
Orson: Impossible. I could never do that. They'd throw me in prison.
Mork: Oh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, your immenseness, but until you can marvel at a rainbow after a storm or rejoice at seeing a baby walk for the first time, or hold someone and have them feel the same warmth inside as you feel close to them outside - until you can do these things, aren't you already in prison?

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I Dream of Jeannie picture

Jeannie: Master is football more important to you than I am?
Major Nelson: Of course not, that's like comparing oranges and lemons.
Jeannie: And I'm the lemon.

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Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. picture

Alice Whipple: Harry, how long are we going to be here?
Harry Whipple: As long as it takes.
Alice Whipple: Well, I've got to get to the beauty parlor.
Harry Whipple: You're telling me.

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Adam-12 picture

Jim Reed: You just have to know how to arrest them and still make them like you. We call it technique.

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Northern Exposure picture

Adam: I'm sure everyone here is fascinated to hear more pop psychiatry from number fifty-four in his class at Columbia Med.

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Rocko's Modern Life picture

Filburt: You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands.

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Pushing Daisies picture

Olive Snook: Yesterday, a farrier named Lucas Shoemaker was found dead. Trampled.
Emerson Cod: Why should I care about a dude that sells fur coats?
Olive Snook: Not a furrier, a farrier. Heir.
Emerson Cod: Fair-rier?
Olive Snook: It's a blacksmith. Puts shoes on horses.
Emerson Cod: Don't try to act like that's a word everybody knows.

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Remington Steele picture

Kessler: Who are you?
Remington Steele: Just a happy go lucky tourist out to see a bit of the world.
Neff: Is that why you've got five passports, from five different countries, in five different names?
Remington Steele: Kept trying for a good picture.

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Shameless picture

Fiona Gallagher: Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night?

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Boy Meets World picture

Me and Mr. Joad - S2-E4

Mr. Feeny: You know, you seem amused by this display of defiance, Mr. Turner.
Mr. Turner: Oh, I am, I gotta say. 'Cause if I had done to me what I did to them, then I'd have done the same thing to me that they did.
Mr. Feeny: Go to the board and diagram that sentence.

Phaneron

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Martin picture

Martin: You know I'm sensitive about my job, you didn't have to go there.
Pam: You know I'm sensative about my buck shots, you didn't have to go there.
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark and Lovely on damn near every corner you pass.

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One Day at a Time picture

Ann Romano Royer: That Was BVD.
Ed Cooper, Julie's and Barbara's Father: BVD?
Ann Romano Royer: Before Vicky, Darling.

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