A Day in the Life of Retsuko - S1-E1
Fenneko: Your chill game is something to behold.
Captain: Why would he use his son's gun? He knew that we would trace it back to that house. It doesn't make sense.
Burl Loomis: A lot of things don't make sense. Why are nickels bigger than dimes?
Captain: That's a good point.
Loomis: Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
Captain: Another excellent question.
Loomis: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Captain: I don't know. I couldn't say.
Loomis: Why did the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Captain: When are you retiring?
Loomis: Four hundred and seventy four days.
Captain: Does that include today?
Loomis: Yes it does.
Luna: Lincoln why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?
Wade Swoboda: I love you like a Sister.
Grace Kelly: Oh, Wade. I'm Southern. Please don't tell me you love me like a sister.
Franco Milazzo: Courage and strength, against any threat!
Wednesday Addams: I don't believe in heaven or hell. But I do believe in revenge. I usually serve it warm with a side of pain.
Larry: Now behave yourself Darryl. There are only three ways to get a baby. By a woman, by adopting, or by a star in the east.
Ray: Money doesn't grow on trees.
Tamera: Yeah if it did, I'd be outside rakin'.
Scarlet Witch: This is our home now. I want us to fit in.
Adam: I'm sure everyone here is fascinated to hear more pop psychiatry from number fifty-four in his class at Columbia Med.
Balki Bartokomous: Hi, cousin! I just baked a big batch of bing bong binki binki bakalava.
Larry Appleton: ...Bing bong binki binki bakalava?
Balki Bartokomous: Bingo! Want a big bite, booby?
Larry Appleton: Better not, buddy.
Balki Bartokomous: ...bummer.
Larry Appleton: Bitter, Balki?
Balki Bartokomous: You bet your Bibby Babkas I'm bitter, baby! I busted my butt baking these itty bitty binkis, and believe me, I banked on a bit of basic brotherly bolstering.
Larry Appleton: Balki, buddy, baby.
How Do You Get to Carnegie Hall? - S4-E8
Lenny: What are you wearing?
Midge: I'm wearing my show corset.
Lenny: You have a show corset?
Midge: Yes.
Lenny: How is this different from, say, your dentist corset?
Midge: It's much more likely to suffocate me. It's also prettier.
Lenny: Yep. It's always the pretty ones who try to kill you.
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.
Coach Hayden Fox: I think you mean "executor."
Detective Estevez: You didn't...see anything weird this morning, did you Mr. Brotzman?
Todd Brotzman: Yes. No. M-Maybe. I don't know.
Detective Estevez: Are you aware you just gave every possible response to that question? Eyebrows. [Detective Zimmerman raises his eyebrows].
Todd Chavez: Hooray.
Karen: Do you know what this means? We're in the kill zone of a black caiman.
Florence: A black gay man?
Karen: Do you, do you really think that's what I just said?
Florence: I don't know. It sounded like you said...
Karen: You think this is a kill zone of a black gay man?
Florence: Well, anything sounds stupid when you say it like that.
No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1
[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.
Superman: But, when I save a life, in that instant, I know two things that most people will never figure out: Why I'm here, and how I can make a difference.
Cheyenne: Attention shoppers, the store is now closed. Not 'bring your items to the front' closed, I meant like get the hell out.