Lord Bowler: Uh oh. You hit the sheriff.
Brisco County Jr.: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.
Alan Decker: It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer.
Charlie: Paul someone wants you outside.
Paul: Who?
Charlie: Everyone in here.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Betty: Don't get so depressed Frank, you've only been out of work two days. Mr Rogers hasn't worked for six months.
Frank: Mr Rogers is 86 years old!
Grubble Gum/The Cinnamini Monster - S1-E3
Mung: We need more spice!
Truffles: Well, I'm glad one of us finally acknowledged it.
Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot.
John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Nostalgia Critic: All right, look lady, I know you're a crazy, horny, obsessive, emotionally denying, masochistic nymphomaniac, but you can still do better than Tom Green!
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I've made out my will, and I'd like you to be my executioner.
Coach Hayden Fox: I think you mean "executor."
Frazer: Sorry about the candles. The blinds are a bit thin for the gleam of the gas light.
Godfrey: Oh, I like candles. They're more romantic.
Henry Finnerty: Wow, that ride must be really scary. Those two guys are holding hands.
James "Jimmy" Finnerty: That's the line for cotton candy.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.
Scarlet Witch: This is our home now. I want us to fit in.
Michael Westen: You say tomato, I say pimp.
Caleb Nichol: I've come to ask a favor.
Sandy: I'm sorry, what did you say?
Caleb Nichol: You didn't hear me?
Sandy: No, I heard you, I... I just want to make you say it again.
Mork's Mixed Emotions - S1-E20
Orson: You opened the door to your emotions, didn't you?
Mork: Yes, Sir.
Orson: You realise you've broken the highest Orkan law. It is my duty to report you to the Council.
Mork: I understand. But I don't regret what I've done, sir. You see, for the first time in my life, I feel really alive, I feel fantastic! Oh, I wish you could try it! I wish you could feel some of the things I've been feeling!
Orson: Impossible. I could never do that. They'd throw me in prison.
Mork: Oh, I don't mean to be disrespectful, your immenseness, but until you can marvel at a rainbow after a storm or rejoice at seeing a baby walk for the first time, or hold someone and have them feel the same warmth inside as you feel close to them outside - until you can do these things, aren't you already in prison?
Hyacinth: If my Sheridan were here he'd be appalled.
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy.
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not.
Lucy Ricardo: How much do you want to bet?
Fred Mertz: Ten dollars.
Ethel Mertz: Well what's the matter with twenty dollars?
Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with thirty dollars?
Lucy Ricardo: What's the matter with fifty dollars?
Fred Mertz: What was the matter with ten dollars?