New this month
Kent Brockman: Tonight on eyewitness news: a man who's been in a coma for 23 years wakes up.
Coma patient: Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?
Kent Brockman: No, she won an Oscar and he's a congressman.
Coma patient: Good night! [Flatlines].
[Mr. Burns is grocery shopping for the first time and sees Krusty getting a box of Krusty O's]
Mr. Burns: Could you tell me where I might find the Burns O's?
Krusty: Sorry Pops, they don't put nobodies on cereal boxes.
Mr. Burns: [Looking at a box of Count Chocula] Well, I suppose this one looks a bit like me.
Groundskeeper Willie: Yeah, I bought your mutt, and I 'ate him. I 'ate his little face. I 'ate his guts. And I 'ate the way he's always barking, so I gave him to the church.
Bart: Oh, I see. You hate him, so you gave him to the church.
Groundskeeper Willie: Aye, I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug.