Marge: Aren't you going to give him the Last Rites?
Reverend Lovejoy: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to do a voodoo dance.
Lisa: Dr. Hibbert, I thought you located another kidney for Grampa?
Dr. Hibbert: Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now, and three hearts. We didn't want to give them to him, but he overpowered us.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well Seymour, it seems we've put together a baseball team, and I was wondering who's on first.
Principal Skinner: Yes, not the pronoun, rather a player with the unlikely name of "Who" is on first.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well that's just great Seymour, we've been out here six seconds, you've already managed to blow the routine!
[Two bandits have stolen the grease Homer is collecting to sell]
Homer: Hey, hey, you're taking our grease!
Grease Bandit #1: It's our grease now. [Takes away Homer's shovel and hits him over the head with it.]
Grease Bandit #2: We run the grease racket in this town.
Homer: Hey, that's my shovel.
Grease Bandit #1: We also run the shovel racket.