TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield. It's all here: fast kicking, low scoring. And ties? You bet.
Bart: Hey Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Arriaga, Arriaga II, Barriaga, Aruglia, and Pizzozza.
Homer: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs.
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth. Mexico or Portugal.
Homer: I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.
Raphael: Aisle 6, next to the sympathy cards.