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Junior: Only way you get some pussy, man, is the bitch dies, and wills it to you. And then, maybe!

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Tex: All right, you cheese dicks, welcome to the 'Nam.

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Bob Kaiser: and if the readers want to see the candidates naked?
Mr. Parker: Well that's one kind of measuring contest. (01:00:15)

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Qualen: I must admit you're a real piece of work.
Gabe Walker: Yeah, and I must admit, you're a real piece of shit. (01:37:45)

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D'Leh: Ah! Do not eat me, when I set you free!

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Phil Phillips: What are you, fucking Houdini now?
Connie Edwards: Maybe I am Houdini!
Phil Phillips: I'd like to see you disappear. (00:21:35)

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Connie Edwards: Well if the shoe fits.
Phil Phillips: Fuck you.
Connie Edwards: Yeah? Fuck you too.
Phil Phillips: Fuck you more. (00:12:45)

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Phil Phillips: Listen, um. Do you keep a record of which customers bought what magazines?
Vinny: Yeah of course, Phil. We're fully NSA compliant. (00:08:05)

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Phil Philips: Yeah? What'd she say?
Bubbles: She said I'd like to sew your asshole shut, and just keep feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you.
Phil Philips: Well that's a new one. (00:04:15)

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Alice in Wonderland - S7-E9

Nostalgia Critic: What is this, some sort of LSD land?
Alice: You're not too far off, actually... It's Burton Land.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh Christ! (00:01:25)

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Badass Santa: How bad ass am I? Soooo bad ass.

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Badass Santa: Sometimes you have to decorate your own tree.

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Badass Santa: What!? Did you say something?

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Nutcracker Flespounder: System malfunction.

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Badass Santa: I love this gun almost as much as Mrs. Claus.

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The Patriarch: The fact that your survival is an accomplishment is pathetic... like you.

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[After killing a spy.]
Sniper: Spy that, you fancy bloody wuss!

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Nostalgia Critic: Pfft! I wanna bundle you up in a toy and call you My Little Hitler. (00:15:40)

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John: This... is such shit. This is the worst fucking shit of all the fucked-up shit we've ever seen. This is the shittiest most fucked-up shit...
James Silva: I got it, okay? Relax. Calm down. Go take a little nap.
John: Fuck you. (00:27:05)

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Brother Swan: The darker the whore... the brighter the flame. (00:58:20)

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