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Nutcracker Flespounder: System malfunction.

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Badass Santa: I love this gun almost as much as Mrs. Claus.

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The Patriarch: The fact that your survival is an accomplishment is pathetic... like you.

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[After killing a spy.]
Sniper: Spy that, you fancy bloody wuss!

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Nostalgia Critic: Pfft! I wanna bundle you up in a toy and call you My Little Hitler. (00:15:40)

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John: This... is such shit. This is the worst fucking shit of all the fucked-up shit we've ever seen. This is the shittiest most fucked-up shit...
James Silva: I got it, okay? Relax. Calm down. Go take a little nap.
John: Fuck you. (00:27:05)

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Brother Swan: The darker the whore... the brighter the flame. (00:58:20)

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Jeremiah Sand: Hey, why don't we offer up the porker to them? Just to seal the deal.
Brother Swan: That is such a good idea. That lard-ass... he couldn't find his nose in a mirror. (00:24:55)

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[Being chased by demon dogs.]
Chas: Who sent them?!
John Constantine: One of Beroul's competitors, no doubt. Wants to stop me before I stop them.
Chas: Can't you just, I don't know. Magic them away!?
John Constantine: Who the hell do you think I am, Benedict bloody Cumberbatch? (00:37:40)

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John Constantine: If I'm working for you, I want a fat salary, and a swanky hotel.
Beroul: Done... Now get out, it's time for The Young and the Restless. And I never miss it. (00:34:35)

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Butler: Enter freely... and of your own free will... Ah I've always wanted to say that. (00:26:10)

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Tau: Life is for the strong! It is earned, not given. (00:19:10)

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Thompson: About the only thing we do agree on, for sure...is that the planet is a woman. (00:26:55)

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Eve Miller: Are you and I in an awkward situation?
Thompson: That depends on if you feel awkward. (00:21:25)

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James Gordon: Wayne promised this world's fair would be a paradise of cleanliness and light. But what does a light in the darkness do? It draws flies. Vile, unclean like you.

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Officer Bernard: This is gonna end bad for you.
Bryan Mills: Don't be such a pessimist. (00:44:35)

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Sam: Four hours work, 2,500 bucks just for taking some pop diva to and from her concert. We're one short.
Bryan Mills: A singer?
Sam: I don't know if you call her a singer exactly. More like a cash cow. (00:07:15)

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Zhao Long Ji: Welcome to Heaven, Mr. Sawyer. (00:15:50)

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Ben: Nothing says welcome to my penthouse panic room like ten inches of military grade super alloy. Ready to meet Oz? (00:11:15)

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Count Volter: My Zeds will be there soon! Do try to hold your bladder when they arrive.

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