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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Tom: Because of an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmission will be out for an underermined amount of time... Of course, no-one can see this news program so it doesn't really mater what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane: Well, Tom. I just plain don't like black people.
[Both Laugh]
Camera Man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston. (00:07:33)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Peter: Hey Meg, you mind cleaning out the shower next time you shave your legs? It's like a carpet in there. (00:07:06)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Meg: Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. If I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married, and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive? (00:04:43)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Lois: Come on, Stewie. You know you can't leave the table until you finished your vegetables.
Stewie: Well then I shall sit here till one of us expires! And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman! (00:01:05)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Guy in courtroom: Mr. President, why do you think the American public has continued to support you through out these impeachment proceedings?
Bill Clinton: Um, probably because you're so fat! (00:12:23)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Lois: Stewie, who don't you go play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell!?
Lois: Well, no desert for you, young man. (00:12:06)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Meg: Oh my God, you got fired!?
Chris: Way to go, dad! Fight the machine!
Stewie: How do you know about the machine!?
Peter: Now don't worry, kids. Your father's still going to put food on this table. Just not as much so it might get a little bit competitive.
Meg: Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!
Brian: Hey, Peter. Can we put her out in the yard for a while? (00:07:10)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Charlie: What is this!?
Peter: Ah man, my kid must have taped over this for History Class.
Group: Aaawweeee!
Guy: The Statue of Liberty? What are we gonna do!?
Peter: Boys, we're going to drink till she's hot.
Quagmire: Hey, that's just crazy enough to work! (00:04:24)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Quagmire: Hey, who want's to play drink the beer?
Peter: Right here! [Drinks]
Quagmire: Heh, you win!
Peter: All right! What do I win?
Quagmire: Another beer!
Peter: Oh I'm going for the high score!
Quagmire: Well actually, Charlie's got the high score.
Charlie: Hey, man! Your clock won't flush. (00:03:44)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Brian: Whoa, ass ahoy. (00:02:28)

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Ash Williams: Are we going to be here... all day?

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Ash Williams: Mmhmm, that's right, that's me baby.

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Tiamat: Has the Council reduced the Horsemen to common assassins? Or has Samael bought your loyalty? Because if you are for sale, Rider... perhaps we can strike a deal?
War: You won't like my terms!

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Tiamat: You should have considered my offer! Such a pity.

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Mijo - S1-E2

Jimmy McGill: Alright, folks... It's show time!

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Dr. Woodward: He's in me, you know... As I am in him. So... When you see him next, as I'm sure you will... I'll be watching you, too. (00:56:12)

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Charles Kaznyk: We gotta go get the camera fixed and the film developed from last night.
Joe Lamb: Okay!
Charles Kaznyk: I'm gonna go steal some money from my mom. (00:28:32)

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Jen Kaznyk: So I can't go to Wendy's party or wear the shorts? Not fair!
Mrs. Kaznyk: Jennifer Anne, 'Not fair' is Africa.
Jen Kaznyk: [Storming off] Mom's racist! (00:27:10)

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Christopher Robin: You can't just take a teddy bear from a grown man! (00:39:30)

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Winnie the Pooh: How gloomy and sad... If only Eeyore were here to enjoy it. (00:26:45)

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