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Stu: Everyone cries. It's good for you.
Vic: I don't cry. Pico doesn't cry.
Stu: You cried when you were a baby.
Vic: Nope. Never.
Stu: You don't remember that.
Vic: I remember my birth. (00:39:26)

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Amo Cortez: Is this an Uber? Man, fuck this! I'm out of here.
Stu: Hey! This ain't no Uber. I'm undercover. And I'm the baaaaad cop, you little girl. (00:37:26)

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Amber: Water only four hours before stage! Ain't that right, fellas?
Dancers: Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
Man: Them the rules.
Stu: Not even, like, a granola bar? Is that healthy?
Amber: Who the fuck are you?
Stu: Oh no, actually I just think carbs are unfairly demonized. No. If that's how he's looking I wouldn't change what he's cookin'.
Dancer: It's fine.
Amber: Oh, it's fine? So you think people come in here to see a fat piece of shit floppin' his tits around?
Dancer: I don't have tits.
Amber: Nobody wants to see a big dick hanging of a bag of garbage.
Stu: Shouldn't have weighed in. I'm sorry. Not a pun.
Amber: Oh, no, no. Please continue to mansplain to me what I'm supposed to be doing. 'Cause, you know, as a woman I have no fucking idea!
Stu: You do your thing... I'll go fuck myself.
Amber: Thank you so much for giving me permission! (00:26:11)

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Becca: I really need you.
Stu: I'm just gonna drop off Douche Lundgren, and I'll be right over. Okay? (00:22:20)

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Stu: You know, generally people who don't want conversation hop in the back. If you sit shotgun, it's sort of code that you're D-T-T... Down-To-Talk.
Vic: I'm more, D-T-shut-the-fuck-up. (00:18:30)

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Richie: Becca, I like your shoes. They don't really go with your outfit, but, uh, you can pull it off.
Becca: Oh, Richie, thank you. I like your facial hair. Although, am I your type? 'Cause I'm over 12.
(00:11:15)

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Maureen: Can I...gimme some money. I need to get some popcorn.
Phil: You got money.
Maureen: I got my money. I asked for your money!
Phil: Cheap ass.

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Justice League - S12-E45

Cinema Snob: The Amazons guard a powerful device called the Mother Box.
Nostalgia Critic: Mother Box?
Cinema Snob: Yeah, she married the Game Cube and gave birth to the Game Boy.
Nostalgia Critic: Oh. (00:11:14)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Peter: I can not wait to taste this cake! The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic.
Lois: Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
Peter: Well, there were only two left. And trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples. (00:20:20)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Jennifer: Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart.
Lois: Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice. (00:11:36)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Brian: Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap. (00:09:33)

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Chitty Chitty Death Bang - S1-E3

Peter: Chris, this is a big day for you. The day you become the man of the house. Because when we get home, you're mother is going to kill me. (00:07:35)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Lois: And your family gives you love. You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.
Peter: Well what could you and me do together?
Lois: [Giggles]
Peter: *gasp* Lois! You've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oooh, oh I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money. (00:14:49)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Tom: Because of an accident today at the Quahog Cable Company, all television transmission will be out for an underermined amount of time... Of course, no-one can see this news program so it doesn't really mater what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets. How about you, Diane?
Diane: Well, Tom. I just plain don't like black people.
[Both Laugh]
Camera Man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston. (00:07:33)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Peter: Hey Meg, you mind cleaning out the shower next time you shave your legs? It's like a carpet in there. (00:07:06)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Meg: Dad, we can't leave now. My entire life depends on getting my license. If I can't drive, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married, and then I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg, are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell can't drive? (00:04:43)

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I Never Met the Dead Man - S1-E2

Lois: Come on, Stewie. You know you can't leave the table until you finished your vegetables.
Stewie: Well then I shall sit here till one of us expires! And you've got a good 40 years on me, woman! (00:01:05)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Guy in courtroom: Mr. President, why do you think the American public has continued to support you through out these impeachment proceedings?
Bill Clinton: Um, probably because you're so fat! (00:12:23)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Lois: Stewie, who don't you go play in the other room?
Stewie: Why don't you burn in hell!?
Lois: Well, no desert for you, young man. (00:12:06)

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Death Has a Shadow - S1-E1

Meg: Oh my God, you got fired!?
Chris: Way to go, dad! Fight the machine!
Stewie: How do you know about the machine!?
Peter: Now don't worry, kids. Your father's still going to put food on this table. Just not as much so it might get a little bit competitive.
Meg: Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!
Brian: Hey, Peter. Can we put her out in the yard for a while? (00:07:10)

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