Matt Buckner: What are you talkin' about, baseball is a girl's game? The Red Sox has a guy that pitches the ball over 90 miles per hour.
Pete Dunham: Who cares? All that means is that he can have a wank faster than you.
Alex Murphy: Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
Detective James Carter: Freeze, or I'll blow your ass cheeks off.
Pops Romano: I got an announcement to make. My son here, this big lug, He's a fruit. And I don't care who knows it. Come here you gay bastard, I love ya. The other one, he can't read a stop sign. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Come here you freakin' retard, I love ya.
Skip: I'd rather be home with a fucked-up hand up in some pussy than to be out here healthier than a motherfucker without it... Shit.
Matt: The only reason you stay here is so you can fuck my mother and eat her food. motherfucker. food eater.
Ed: Listen to me, dude, I'm having a really fucked-up, really wet, very bad fucking day.
Mary Jane: Who are you?
Spider-Man: You know who I am.
Mary Jane: I do?
Spider-Man: Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
Archie Moses: This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.
English Teacher: Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night.
Dade Murphy: Ginsberg.
English Teacher: Nice, very nice.
Eddie Vogel: How's it hanging, counselor?
Mick Haller: A little to the left.
Jamesir Bensonmum: She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
Dick Charleston: You mean suicide?
Jamesir Bensonmum: Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain hated herself.
Ray Merrimen: I ain't cuffin' up.
Big Nick: That's OK. I don't bring my cuffs anyway. (01:34:05)
Mindy Macready: You don't have to be a bad-ass to be a superhero. You just have to be brave.
Dr. Grace Hart: Shall we begin the autopsy? Dr. Grace Hart.
Watson: A woman doctor?
Holmes: Impossible. Fortunately we have a real doctor here.
Watson: Would you like some heroin?
Ned: You better take me up on this quick. In about 45 minutes, I'm going to give up and go away.
Richard Kimble: I didn't kill my wife!
Sam Gerard: I don't care. (00:37:10)
Vanessa: Ho-ly shit! Well look who got beaten with the ugly stick. Bob, is that you? My God, I can't believe such an itty bitty gun could make such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly Bob! Oh and hey I heard you have one of those poop bags where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag aren't you Bob! I hope you think of me every time you shit in that thing, motherfucker!