Murder By Death (1976)

Jamesir Bensonmum: She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
Dick Charleston: You mean suicide?
Jamesir Bensonmum: Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain hated herself.

Tess Skeffington: He was arrested in 1932 in Chicago for selling pornographic Bibles. The D.A. couldn't make the charge stick when the church refused to turn over the Bibles.

Lionel Twain: That drives me crazy.
Sam Diamond: Sounds like a short ride to me.

Lionel Twain: I'm the greatest, I'm number one.
Sam Diamond: To me, you look like number two, know what I mean?
Dora Charleston: What does he mean, Miss Skeffington?
Tess Skeffington: I'll tell you later. It's disgusting.

Sidney Wang: Room filled with empty people.

Tess Skeffington: Twain picked up Sam in a gay bar.
Sam Diamond: I was working on a case! Working.
Tess Skeffington: Every night for six months?

Lionel Twain: How do I look so young? Quite simple. A complete vegetable diet, twelve hours sleep a night, and lots and lots of makeup.

Sam Diamond: I never did nothin' to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman.

Tess Skeffington: I don't feel good about this, Sam. Maybe tonight's the night your luck runs out.
Sam Diamond: Maybe so. There's a number on the wall for all of us, angel, and if tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it. After you, sweetheart.

Milo Perrier: No, no, it's all right. My wine is not poisoned. It was just a bad year.

Jamesir Bensonmum: Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me?
Sidney Wang: Went back to theory seldom used today: Butler did it.

Sam Diamond: You say you know who's going to get it?
Lionel Twain: Intimately.
Inspector Milo Perrier: And you know how the crime is to be committed?
Lionel Twain: Definitely.
Sidney Wang: And exactly what time murder to take place?
Lionel Twain: The murder. Precisely.
Dora Charleston: Well, I know it's none of my business, but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain?

Willie Wang: Why do I do all the dirty work, Pop?
Sidney Wang: 'Cause your mother not here to do it.

Marcel: Something isn't right in all of this, eh. I can feel it in my buns.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Your what?
Marcel: My buns.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you didn't tell me? Where are they? Where are the buns?
Marcel: Oh! No, monsieur. The bones in my body.
Inspector Milo Perrier: You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry.

Sidney Wang: Big house like man married to fat woman: hard to get around.

Milo Perrier: One moment, where is the soup?
Jamesir Bensonmum: In your dish, sir.
Milo Perrier: There is nothing in my dish but my dish.

Tess Skeffington: Sam, why do you keep all those naked muscle men magazines in your office?
Sam Diamond: Suspects. Always looking for suspects.

Dick Charleston: How lovely dear! We're in Wang's wing.

Jessica Marbles: I smell gas.
Miss Withers: I can't help it, I'm old.
Jessica Marbles: No, not that kind of gas. The kind that kills.
Miss Withers: Well, sometimes my gas.

Tess Skeffington: I'm scared, Sam. Hold me.
Sam Diamond: Hold yourself. I'm busy.