Sidney Wang: No pulse, no heartbeat. If condition does not change, this man is dead.
Dick Charleston: Now let's see what we have here. We have one missing, dead, naked butler, one host with a butcher's knife in his back, and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets.
Dora Charleston: Is that what that is?
Dick Charleston: Yes. They can kill instantly. I suggest we don't move.
Dora Charleston: For how long?
Dick Charleston: Quite possibly for the rest of our lives.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Everything here has been rented for tonight. The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs, everything.
Jessica Marbles: You mean.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Yes. This entire murder has been... catered.
Dick Charleston: Up there, Dora, look - a blind butler.
Dora Charleston: Don't let him park the car, Dickie.
Dora Charleston: What a godforsaken spot to get lost.
Dick Charleston: I'm sure I saw a much better spot a few miles back.
Inspector Milo Perrier: I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.
Sidney Wang: I like it, but do not understand it.
Lionel Twain: Aha, stumped already. Need some clues, Monsieur Perrier?
Inspector Milo Perrier: Clues? I need no clues from you! I find my own clues, you demented lollipop.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Touch nothing.
Jessica Marbles: Will you stop saying "touch nothing?" We're all experienced criminologists. I find it insulting, debasing, and redundant to keep telling us to "touch nothing!"
Inspector Milo Perrier: Oh, be quiet, woman.
Jessica Marbles: Up yours, fella.
Sidney Wang: Most amusing. Bickering detectives like making lamb stew: everything goes to pot.
Sidney Wang: Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary.
Willie Wang: I don't hear nothin'. What do you hear?
Sidney Wang: Double negative, and dog.
Lionel Twain: In need of a hint Miss Marbles? You all mistake what you assume. they never left THE dining room! Count the numbers one to ten, turn the knob and try again.
Dora Charleston: Mr. Diamond, there's a bullet hole in your jacket.
Sam Diamond: You should see the other guy.
Lionel Twain: You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. You've introduced characters in the last five pages that were never in the book before. You've withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. But now, the tables are turned. Millions of angry mystery readers are now getting their revenge. When the world learns I've outsmarted you, they'll be selling your $1.95 books for twelve cents.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Doors and windows will automatically open at dawn, and one of us here will be one million dollars richer, and one of us will be going to the gas chamber to be hung.
Sam Diamond: Shut up, all of ya's. Nobody move.
Dick Charleston: What is it?
Sam Diamond: I have to go to the can again. I don't wanna miss nothin'.
Sidney Wang: Room filled with empty people.
Marcel: Something isn't right in all of this, eh. I can feel it in my buns.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Your what?
Marcel: My buns.
Inspector Milo Perrier: Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you didn't tell me? Where are they? Where are the buns?
Marcel: Oh! No, monsieur. The bones in my body.
Inspector Milo Perrier: You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry.
Milo Perrier: One moment, where is the soup?
Jamesir Bensonmum: In your dish, sir.
Milo Perrier: There is nothing in my dish but my dish.
Sam Diamond: I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes, then they take the clothes and bring the body back. Who would do a thing like that?
Dick Charleston: Possibly some deranged dry cleaner.
Sidney Wang: Quickly. Go back in kitchen, get dining room key from pocket of dead butler.
Milo Perrier: You don't have to say "dead butler." It's bad enough I have to put my hand in his pocket.
Answer: I think she is a lady...remember at the end when he said she was the daughter of Lionel Twain.