Conor O'Neill: I want you guys to take a good look at yourselves and feel proud. We made it here. We're here. What I've learned from you is that really one of the most important things in life is showing up. I'm blown away by your ability to show up through everything that's gone on. The league never wanted you to play this game, but you showed up. But, uh, we only have eight players so, we can't play.
Jack the Ripper: I shall tell you where we are. We're in the darkest region of the human brain, a radiant abyss where men go to find themselves.
Netley: I don't understand, sir.
Jack the Ripper: Hell, Netley. We are in hell.
Paige Prescott: Detective Vaughn, please remove your hand from my thigh.
Det. Leon Vaughn: Okay, where would you like me to put it?
Paige Prescott: How about up your ass?
Raymond Hasek: My dad always said my head was hard as a rock. He broke his hand on it twice.
Rafkin: There are ghosts in the basement.
Maggie: This basement?
Rafkin: Of course this basement! What is it with you people? If it was the basement next door I wouldn't give a shit, would I?
Max: I'll see you, uh, bassoon.
Taylor: 500 fights, that's the number I figured when I was a kid. 500 street fights and you could consider yourself a legitimate tough guy. You need them for experience. To develop leather skin. So I got started. Of course along the way you stop thinking about being tough and all that. It stops being the point. You get past the silliness of it all. But then, after, you realise that's what you are.
The Girl: You know why the sky is blue?
Kyun-woo: Because the reflection from the sunshine causes.
The Girl: Wrong! It's to make me happy. I wanted it to be blue, so it's blue. You know why fire is hot? It's all for me. I wanted it to be hot, so it's hot. You know why we have four seasons here in Korea?
Kyun-woo: For you?
The Girl: Correct.
Chris: You know, I'm just a regular guy who grew up with the posters of these guys on my wall... and now I'm one of them! That's right, I'm standing here, living proof that if you work hard enough, and you want it bad enough... dreams do come true. So follow your dreams.
Alonzo Harris: It's not what you know, it's what you can prove.
Murphy: Ever been to Reno? Get your bubble gum.
Oz: All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? You find a girl. You two become best friends. And you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. You just laugh at the people that do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
George: I'm really great at what I do, Dad. I mean I'm really great at what I do.
Fred Jung: Let me tell you something, George: you'd have been great at anything.
Prof. Dad Brody: Who do you think kidnapped us, Uraguay or Chad?
Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: No need to play the blame game here, Allison. No harm, no foul. Suffice it to say that we're all very appreciative of the discovery made by Dr. Kane and Mr. Black.
Harry Block: Block.
Jay: In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us!
Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?
William: Father, I am afraid, I won't know the way back home.
John Thatcher: Don't be foolish, William, you just follow your feet.