Rafkin: I hate my job.
Rafkin: There are ghosts in the basement.
Maggie: This basement?
Rafkin: Of course this basement! What is it with you people? If it was the basement next door I wouldn't give a shit, would I?
Dennis Rafkin: Hey, Glass Family Robinson, you're wasting your breath.
Dennis Rafkin: Oh Cyrus, you crazy son of a bitch, what did you do?
Arthur Kriticos: First rule: no throwing stones.
Rafkin: Oh. Oh, boy.
Rafkin: Uh, that's the symbol of the Jackal.
Maggie: What's the Jackal?
Rafkin: The Jackal is the Charlie Manson of ghosts. And if the Jackal's out, screw the kid! We gotta get out of this basement.
Maggie Bess: Did the lawyer split?
Kathy Kriticos: Bathrooms. Bathrooms! Everyone gets their own bathroom.
Dennis Rafkin: I sure as hell hope I don't bleed to death. That, would suck.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: Mom?
Jean Kriticos, The Withered Lover: I love you guys.
Kalina: We have ten minutes until the ectoplasmic shit hits the fan.
Maggie: Family, just so we're all clear, Ms. Maggie does not do windows.
Dennis Rafkin: Hey bro... You ain't nothin' but a bitch.
Kalina Oretzia: Who are you to play God?
Cyrus Kriticos: Playing is for children.
Maggie Bess: Hey, Bobby, isn't that great, you got a late uncle.
Robert 'Bobby' Kriticos: What's he late for?
Kathy Kriticos: His next birthday.