Billy: It's women that's shaped like leaves, and men fall.
Katie: Listen, Coop - last night was really great. You were incredibly romantic and heroic, no doubt about it. And that's great. But I've thought about it, and my thing is this: Andy is really hot. And don't get me wrong, you're cute too, but Andy is like, *cut*. From marble. He's gorgeous. He has this beautiful face and this incredible body, and I genuinely don't care that he's kinda lame. I don't even care that he cheats on me. And I like you more than I like Andy, Coop, but I'm 16. And maybe it'll be a different story when I'm ready to get married, but right now, I am entirely about sex. I just wanna get laid. I just wanna take him and grab him and fuck his brains out, ya know? So that's where my priorities are right now. Sex. Specifically with Andy and not with you.
Cowboy: There's sometimes a buggy. How many drivers does a buggy have?
Adam Kesher: One.
Cowboy: So, let's just say I'm driving this buggy. And, if you fix your attitude, you can ride along with me.
Dr. Haverston: There is no grade on this kind of test.
Julius Ceasar: When Alexander the Great was ten years younger than I am today, he had conquered the entire civilized world.
Vercingetorix: At your age, he was dead.
Julius Ceasar: All the more reason to hurry.
Reidenschneider: Science. Perception. Reality. Doubt. Reasonable doubt.
Iris Murdoch: People have obsessions and fears and passions which they don't admit to. I think every character is interesting and has extremes. It's the novelist privilege to see how odd everyone is.
Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: No.
James: Thanks for rescuing me tonight. I never get a chance to do this. I never got to be someone.
Chloe: You already are someone, I mean. Our parents got to be kids. Now it's our turn.
Ian: You know when you're with someone there's only a very short time when you can really give each other things for free... with neither of you having to ask. Because later on all you do is make demands of each other. Perhaps the only difference between her and all the rest is that she's asking you for nothing.
Darby Reese: Beau-Beau, she's a mother, not a moron.
C.W.: Are you going to take your coat off? It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years.
Stan: There's been a PI at the shark pool.
Jordan: PI?
Stan: Puking incident. Some kid puked all over the shark pool. Anyway, I need you to clean it up for me right away. A.S.A.P.
Susan: Are you hungry?
Karel Vojtí?ek: Not really... Yes.
Susan: Not really - yes?
Karel Vojtí?ek: I mean yes. Sorry... My English isn't very well. I mean good.
Sam: OK, remember when Paul McCartney wrote the song "Michelle" and then he only wrote the first part, Annie said. And then he gave that part to John Lennon, and he wrote the part that said, "I love you, I love you, I love you." And Annie said that it wouldn't have been the same song without that... and that's why the whole world cried when the Beatles broke up on April 10, 1970.
Spencer Olham: They're wrong about me, I've done nothing wrong, I'm a good man.
Lisa Connelly: The hitman needs a ride.
Helen: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy?
Jessica: Nothing. I'm not.