Chris: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
C.W.: I know, perceptive.
C.W.: Are you divorced or widowed? Did your husband commit suicide? I could understand that.
C.W.: This is a very smart burglar and you guys have trouble figuring out who did it when you get a confession.
Jill: I'd love to, but you have to have me at home and in bed by midnight.
C.W.: That's exactly what I was planning.
C.W.: We'll have lunch. I know a great restaurant you'll love. Gestapo food.
C.W.: A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but.
Betty Ann: You misunderstand me. I dreamed you and I finally wound up together.
Chris: That's funny because I didn't hear any screaming.
Laura Kensington: You have a fresh mouth. I don't think I like it.
C.W.: I tend to grow on people. We could meet later and I could grow on you.
C.W.: I found the Picasso. It wasn't easy. I was looking for a woman with a guitar and it was all cubes. It took me two hours to find her nose.
C.W.: It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel.
Betty Ann: You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ.
C.W.: I may be a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin.
C.W.: Never trust a woman who whistles for her own cab.
Betty Ann: So what, you always get your kicks fondling women's shoes?
C.W. Briggs: Once in a while I'll fondle a whole woman.
C.W.: Hide in the bedroom.
Betty Ann: Can I sit down in there or will I catch something?
C.W.: Germs can't live in your blood - it's too cold.
C.W.: Are you going to take your coat off? It hasn't rained in this apartment in 20 years.
Laura Kensington: I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed.
C.W.: More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion?
C.W. Briggs: They say, I always get my man.
Laura Kensington: Me too.
C.W.: There's a deck of cards with naked women on it.
Laura Kensington: Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire.
C.W.: I used to date the six of spades.
C.W.: Don't work too late. The bags under your eyes are getting bigger.