Narrator: There is not one universe. There are many. A Multiverse. We have the technology to travel between universes... But travel is highly restricted and policed. There is not one you. There are many. Each of us exists in present time, in parallel universes. There was balance in the system... But now a force exists who seeks to destroy the balance... So that he can become The One.
Diane: If the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that, in America, you can cut somebody's head off and still be innocent as long as you have enough money. Well Kansas your mom only shoot a guy.
Bertha Mills: Sometimes, the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead.
Tom Bishop: Happy?
Nathan Muir: Seventy-four casualties, an apartment block leveled, one dead terrorist? Yeah, happy.
Tom Bishop: We have some fucked up barometer for success, don't we?
Jonathan: You are a strange and interesting woman.
Ginger: If you want a chance in hell at getting your daughter back, you better listen up. Unless of course, you want to stay here, in this loser existence, while your daughter grows up to be the fluffer in her daddy's new videos.
Stanley Jobson: Please pay me the courtesy of not confusing your own childhood with my daughter's.
The Lizard: I want McElroy kept alive.
Dakota: I don't do alive, I do dead.
Dad: You can't make things like that up, son. Killing people is wrong, destroying demons is good. Don't worry, God will send you your own list when you're older.
Odin: Where is my scarf?
Desi: I don't know.
Odin: You lost it?
Desi: No, I just misplaced it.
Odin: Does Michael know where my scarf is?
Desi: What? If you're asking me if I'm cheating on you, get some balls and ask! Michael? You're the only person I've ever been with and you're the only person I want to be with! And if you want to be with me you never talk to me like that again, ever.
Nash: In competitive behavior someone always loses.
Charles: Well, my niece knows that, John, and she's about this high.
Nash: See if I derive an equilibrium where prevalence is a non-singular event where nobody loses, can you imagine the effect that would have on conflict scenarios, arm negotiations...
Charles: When did you last eat?
Nash: ...currency exchange?
Charles: When did you last eat? You know, food.
Nash: You have no respect for cognitive reverie, you know that?
Charles: Yes. But pizza - now, pizza I have enormous respect for. And of course beer.
Nash: I have respect for beer. I HAVE RESPECT FOR BEER!
Max: I'll see you, uh, bassoon.
Jerry Black: I made a promise, Eric. You're old enough to remember when that meant something.
Principal Prickly: I never saw Philliam again. He quit teaching, went into politics, eventually became Secretary of Education, until the president fired him for trying to get rid of recess again. Only this time it was nationwide.
Carter: Now gimme a hundred-thousand in chips, and a diet pepsi and some hot wings!
Colonel Berman: What is this? What have we here?
Ray Elwood: Just some requisitions, sir.
Colonel Berman: One thousand gallons of Mop and Glow... my God, do we really need that much?
Ray Elwood: Well, cleanliness is next to godliness.
Gord Brody: Wow... it's a Le Baron.
Jim: Bet your boots it's a Le Baron. Good car. Convertible.
Big John Harrigan: And if I was a spy, what would you think of me then?
Howie: Well, I'd think that you are just like James Bond except James Bond doesn't go around blowing boys.
Billy: It's women that's shaped like leaves, and men fall.
Cyrus: Apparently, stubbornness is an ingrained family trait.
Rudy Cafmeyer: It beats a messiah complex any day.