Howie: You never gave me my third task. What's my third task?
Prot: To stay here, and be prepared for anything.
Sam: Doom Machine! You're still alive.
Peek: Yep, all five limbs. Sam, you owe me five pig ears, Hickory Smoked.
Kelly: Are you crying?
Berke Landers: No, you're squeezing my puncture wound.
Margot: I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.
Iris: I'm a wonderful housekeeper. I got divorced three times, and I kept all the houses.
Joseph: Cram it, failure.
Hipolito, The Writer: Failed writer, failed life... I love the word "fail." Failure is human destiny.
Joseph: It's gasbag time.
Hipolito, The Writer: Failure teaches us that life is but a draft, a long rehearsal for a show that will never play.
Joseph: I bet he stole that.
Hipolito, The Writer: I do have some original ideas, but people always steal them.
Hipolito, The Writer: Same as your women.
Joseph: Meaning?
Hipolito, The Writer: You'd better get used to it.
Chihiro: I'm see-through.
Linda, Anger Management Therapist: Mr. Boyd, I believe that you were sent to us because of work related stress, aggression towards authority figures, and an all-round lack of discipline.
Orin Boyd: I'm fine. You can move on. Other people want to say something.
Count Thibault: You are lionhearted, Julia, like the women of your lineage. You have courage.
Billy: It's women that's shaped like leaves, and men fall.
Jessica: I'm not your type, huh?
Liu Jian: I don't have a type.
Julius Ceasar: When Alexander the Great was ten years younger than I am today, he had conquered the entire civilized world.
Vercingetorix: At your age, he was dead.
Julius Ceasar: All the more reason to hurry.
Casares: Stay by my side as my light grows dim /as my blood slows down and my nerves shatter with stabbing pain / as my heart grows weak / and the wheels of my being turn slowly / Stay by my side /as my fragile body is racked by pain /which verges on truth / and manic time continues scattering dust / and furious life bursts out in flames. Stay by my side / as I fade / so you can point to the end of my struggle /and the twilight of eternal days / at the low, dark edge of life.
Abby: I can't get next to you.
Kevin Gibbons: Excuse me?
Abby: "I'm So Tired of Being Alone" is a great Al Green song, but "I Can't Get Next To You" sounds a little more appropriate.
Kevin Gibbons: Why?
Abby: Because... I can't get next to you.
Luisa: Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.
Jim: You want Daddy to give you a spanking in front of his retard slut whore?
Betty: I'M not retarded.
Miguel: The BLM man gave me permission to kill anything that represented a danger to my cattle. El lobo, el coyote, and el Graboid.