Quotes from John Candy movies and TV shows - page 2 of 2

Buck: Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes.
Cindy Russell: Oh, good.
Buck: Isn't that something? I'm on to cigars now. I'm on to a five-year plan. I eliminated cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, then I go to chewing tobacco, then I'm on to that nicotine gum.

Miles: Where do you live?
Buck: In the city.
Miles: You have a house?
Buck: Apartment.
Miles: Own or rent?
Buck: Rent.
Miles: What do you do for a living?
Buck: Lots of things.
Miles: Where's your office?
Buck: I don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: I don't need one.
Miles: Where's your wife?
Buck: Don't have one.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's a long story.
Miles: You have kids?
Buck: No I don't.
Miles: How come?
Buck: It's an even longer story.
Miles: Are you my Dad's brother?
Buck: What's your record for consecutive questions asked?
Miles: 38.
Buck: I'm your Dad's brother all right.
Miles: You have much more hair in your nose than my Dad.
Buck: How nice of you to notice.
Miles: I'm a kid - that's my job.

Tia: Uncle Buck?
Buck: Yeah?
Tia: Got a minute?
Buck: I got lots of minutes.
Tia: Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, I want to go out tomorrow night.
Buck: You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out.
Tia: You just can't find any way to be cool can you?
Buck: You mean easy? No.
Tia: I mean decent!
Buck: You mean blind!
Tia: Who are you trying to score points with? My parents? How many times have they had you over here since we moved? Try none until they went up Shit Creek and got stuck!
Buck: Get used on your parents' time.

Tia Russell: Are you crazy?
Buck Russell: I can be.
Tia Russell: You could have taken his head off!
Buck Russell: Yeah, but would he notice?

Uncle Buck: We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're just going to lose again.
Tia Russell: Try me.
Uncle Buck: How'd you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out of work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.


Buck Russell: How many times a day does the dog eat?
Cindy Russell: How many times do you think?
Buck Russell: I don't know, four or five.
Cindy Russell: He eats once a day.

Buck Russell: I, I, I'm real sorry about those bushes too. I had no idea that they would all catch on fire like that and you were right. I should have never put the BBQ that close.


Uncle Buck: I know a good kid when I see one, Because they're all good kids, until dried-out, brain dead skags like you drag them down and convince them they're no good, You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school and I hear about it I'm coming looking for you. Take this quarter, Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. Good day to you, madam.

More Uncle Buck quotes

Harry Crumb: What's this? An egg?
Eliot Draison: It's a pterodactyl egg. It's fossilized. It's 90 million years old. In the entire world, only two of these have ever been found.
Harry Crumb: You know, that may be worth something.

Harry Crumb: My reputation precedes me. Otherwise I'd be late for all my appointments.

More Who's Harry Crumb? quotes

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