Spaceballs

Spaceballs (1987)

23 quotes

(8 votes)

Movie Quote Quiz

Computer: This ship will self-destruct in exactly ten seconds. Counting down. Ten, nine, eight, six.
President Skroob: Six? What happened to seven?
Computer: Just kidding.

7

Col. Sandurz: Lord Helmet.
Dark Helmet: WHAT?!
Col. Sandurz: You're needed on the bridge, sir.
Dark Helmet: KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!
Col. Sandurz: Yes, sir.
Dark Helmet: Did you see anything?
Col. Sandurz: No, sir. I didn't see you playing with your dolls again.
Dark Helmet: Good.

4

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.
Lone Starr: What?
Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
Lone Starr: What's that make us?
Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

5

Princess Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf.
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.

3

[The self destruction cancellation button is out of order.]
Dark Helmet: F**k! Even in the future nothing works!

3

Druidian Priest: I'm not taking any more chances. The short, short version. Do you?
Lone Starr: Yes.
Druidian Priest: Do you?
Princess Vespa: Yes.
Druidian Priest: Good. You're married. Kiss her.

3

Dark Helmet: Careful, you idiot. I said across her nose, not up it!
[The gunman turns around and is cross-eyed.]
Gunman: Sorry, sir. I'm doing my best.
Dark Helmet: Who made that man a gunner?
Cross-eyed gunman 2: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
Dark Helmet: Who is he?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole, sir.
Dark Helmet: I know that, what's his name?
Col. Sanders: That is his name, sir. "Asshole." Major Asshole.
Dark Helmet: And his cousin?
Col. Sanders: He's an asshole too, sir. Gunners mate, Second-class Philip Asshole.
Dark Helmet: How many assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
Everyone on the ship: Yo!
Dark Helmet: I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.

3

Lord Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Colonel Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now is happening now.
Lord Helmet: What happened to then?
Colonel Sandurz: We passed then.
Lord Helmet: When?
Colonel Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Lord Helmet: Go back to then.
Colonel Sandurz: When?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: Now?
Lord Helmet: Now!
Colonel Sandurz: We can't
Lord Helmet: Why?
Colonel Sandurz: We missed it.
Lord Helmet: When.
Colonel Sandurz: Just now.
Lord Helmet: When will then be now?
Colonel Sandurz: Soon.

Bishop73
2

Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.
President Skroob: Alright, I'll give it a shot. What the hell, it works on Star Trek.

2

Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate getting my Schwartz twisted!

2

Dark Helmet: You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now let's see how well you handle it.

2

Lone Starr: We're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shitload of money!

1

Captain of the Guard: You idiots! These are not them! You've captured their stunt doubles!

1

Princess Vespa: Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!

1

Lone Starr: Helmet! So, at last we meet for the first time for the last time.

1

Druidian Priest: Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding here, which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet.

1

Dark Helmet: Druish princess are often attracted to money and power, and I have both, and you know it.

Dark Helmet: So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

President Skroob: Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?

Lone Starr: What the hell was that noise?
Dot Matrix: That was my virgin-alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do!

Continuity mistake: After Dark Helmet has stolen Lone Starr's ring of the Schwartz and dropped it down in the grill, Lone Starr is wearing it again after he gets into his Starship.

More mistakes in Spaceballs

Trivia: Mel Brooks allegedly waited so long to create his spoof of Star Wars as he wanted to spoof the entire trilogy.

Cubs Fan
More trivia for Spaceballs

Question: When Spaceball 1 achieves ludicrous speed and overshoots the Winnebago, Barf is heard to remark "they've gone to plaid". Is this just a joke about eighties style special effects or is it a reference to a specific film?

Answer: Its a reference to how the stars streak around the ships in "Star Wars". "Ludicrous speed" had to have a ludicrous color. It is also referencing 2001: A Space Odyssey, where this "tartan" effect occurs when Dave is in the pod towards the end of the film.

Grumpy Scot
More questions & answers from Spaceballs
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