Martin Lawrence

Quotes from Martin Lawrence movies and TV shows - page 3 of 3

Earl Montgomery: Listen, man. Now I've been waiting my whole life for shit like this to go down. So if you're gona shoot me, shoot me. Cause that's the only way I'm getting out of this car.

Earl Montgomery: Ah I see how this works. The system can't tolerate a black man with superior police skills, huh? It's the future of law enforcement, and it scares you... Because you'll be out of work! Right? Look, I remember when the NBA was all white. That's all right, that's all right. I'm fine, I'm cool. Because y'all losing somebody good, though! I'm a virtual, one man, Kung-Fu S.W.A.T. Team! Dah! Yawh! That's all right. I got skills!. YOU BITCHES!

Hank Rafferty: Need some help?
Earl Montgomery: You asking me if I need some help, or if... If I'm stealing this car?
Hank Rafferty: Okay, fine. Are you stealing this car?
Earl Montgomery: Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car?
Hank Rafferty: Little bit.
Earl Montgomery: Why? Because I'm black? White man has his hand in the car, you probably give him a Good Samaritan award, huh? Figure he's just going around turning off people's lights.

Hank Rafferty: You're in dangerous grounds here, bub. I'd be real careful what comes out of your mouth next.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, you wanna hear what comes out of my mouth next? You're... A...fucking...pig!

Hank Rafferty: You're under arrest.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, no. I ain't under arrest. You're under arrest. I'm arresting yo ass! Citizen's arrest. You're under arrest for illegal false arrest!

Earl Montgomery: Who's the Planet of the Apes looking lady in the dress?
Detective Frank McDuff: That's my father.
Earl Montgomery: Handsome man.

Earl Montgomery: I know the score. It's not the first time I've been pulled over for DWB.
Lawyer: DWB?
Earl Montgomery: Driving While Black.
Lawyer: Move to strike!
Earl Montgomery: Kiss my ass!

Lola: The lights went out, and I couldn't find the switch. So I was filing in the dark. That's why I called you here.
Earl Montgomery: Lola... Filing in the dark is a serious offence. You're in a lot of trouble.

Nash: Somebody shoot that monkey!
Earl Montgomery: What did you call me!?

Lieutenant Washington: Now, let me see if I got this figured out. You get out of prison, pissed with your life... You decide to pay your old buddy Earl a visit. Things get out of hand... Shots are fired, police respond just in time to catch Hank trying to get away with you in his car, probably holding you at gunpoint. Am I correct?
Earl Montgomery: Amazing. You are very, very good.

Earl Montgomery: On one of them papers it said, CIA heist.
Hank Rafferty: And?
Earl Montgomery: That's all I saw, CIA.
Hank Rafferty: That's it?
Earl Montgomery: Hey, look man, I said I got peripheral vision, not X-ray vision, man.

More National Security quotes

Boog: All right, fish. Give it up for Boog.

Boog: When I'm a bear-skin rug, they can walk all over me. Until then, I ain't going down without a fight.

Boog: The Woo-Hoo bar. She's my lady. Smooth and creamy. So bad, I shouldn't, but I will.

Boog: Get out of here.
Elliot: Hey, I took you out of the garage. You should thank me.
Boog: Thank you?
Elliot: You're welcome.

More Open Season quotes

Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids! How long ago was that?

Doug Madsen: Well, what has your wife ever made us?
Bobby Davis: Hard.

Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and.
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Charley: Yeah.

Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic.
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck.
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?

More Wild Hogs quotes

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