Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy.
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not.
Martin: You know I'm sensitive about my job, you didn't have to go there.
Pam: You know I'm sensative about my buck shots, you didn't have to go there.
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark and Lovely on damn near every corner you pass.
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it.
Pam: Martin was the one who said Cole was a virgin until he was 23.
Cole: He said the stew was so bad, the homeless give it back.
Martin: I love the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it.
Martin: Bruh-Man! it's 3 in the morning! What are you doin' up in here?
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home.
Cole: Tommy, you dated a white girl in college.
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French.
Cole: I'll see you in Hell, Martin.
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother.
Sheneneh: Kid, can you kiss me like you did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fire escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly-ass crib! With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... but... I couldn't open the door, Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bruh-Man cried.
Martin: Cole! No! You are not cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here.
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me, Gina! You know damn well what this is about! You got too much head to be stupid! You didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs.
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons.
Stan Winters: Umm girl, you got fire and spice.
Sheneneh: Oh you said two keywords. You said I have fire and spice. So stay away fo' I burn yo' ass up.
Cole: That's because you don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't you mean 13?
Tommy: Sheneneh, you say you're a Christian woman... yet you sit here and you lie to these people. Now you better tell 'em the truth and tell them now.
Martin: Damn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV.
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to you - Un, em, ploy, ment.
