Paul Buchman: What's the big deal with Valentine's Day? It's a made-up holiday. Nobody even knows who this St. Valentine guy was.
Jamie Buchman: He was a Roman priest who defended the Christians and was beheaded by Claudius II on February 14, 269 A.D.
Gomez Addams: Boy, these family wrestling matches sure are enjoyable. Right, Fester?
Uncle Fester: You said it, Gomez! And thanks to Lurch, I'll spend the next week coughing up vital organs.