Doctor Nikolas Van Helsing: I'm Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology and other related tendencies. A graduate of the University of Rangoon. And assorted night classes at the Knoxville Tennessee school of faith healing.
J.J. McClure: You may be a little over qualified for this job.
Batman: Mad Dog, you are going to take the shortcut to the interstate, right?
Mad Dog: We're in this to win, ain't we? If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly!
J.J. McClure: Listen to what I'm telling you. You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare. Get me Dr. Livingston. Get me Dr. Frankenstein. Just get me a doctor! Go where the - go where the doctors hang out.
Victor Prinsi: Where is that?
J.J. McClure: Bars, golf courses.
Victor Prinsi: Golf course, bar. All right. Where else? Hospital!
J.J. McClure: Try that too.
Race organizer: Certain skeptics note that as soon as we begin, thirty thousand of the nation's most alert highway patrolmen will be out there waiting to stop you guys, but let's stay positive. Think of the fact that not one state of the fifty has the death penalty for speeding...although I'm not so sure about Ohio.