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Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?

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Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.

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Mrs. White: He didn't actually seem to like me very much. He had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he want to kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her. [Rolls eyes].

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Johnny 5: He locked you up? He did not smash, crush, dent, mangle you?
Fred: No, he just wanted us out of the way.
Johnny 5: Sure, kidnap the humans, destroy the machines.

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Fred: Okay, Ace? I get your arm working, you can do the rest yourself, right?
Johnny 5: Kay-O, Derf.
Fred: Fred.
Johnny 5: That's what I said. Derf.

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Serge: Now, one thing's very important. At the survival boutiqua, I feel that it's my personality, that's it's my philosophy that everything must conform to the three P's, OK? Which is, protection. Prestige. And pretty. I mean, why should you look ugly if you're just trying to survive?

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Rocket Raccoon: [looking at Stan Lee.] Look at Mr. Smiles over here. Where's your wife, old man? What a class-A prevert.

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Rocket: Look at this guy! Can you believe they call us criminals when he's assaulting us with that haircut.

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Albert Gibson: You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

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Lance Barton: I got roaches. Who here got roaches?
Man in Audience: Everybody got roaches, man. It's Harlem.

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Sgt. Bilko: It's the odometer Wally, it says 12,000 miles and it should say 11,000 miles. Tony here drove it to Lake Tahoe over the weekend to go to his grandmother's funeral.
Walter Holbrook: Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Sgt. Bilko: When I say "go to his grandmother's funeral", I mean visit his niece. And when I say "niece", I mean lady friend. Look. I'm winking. Look at my eye.

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Sgt. Bilko: Luis Clemente. This guy is smart, very smart. He has an IQ.

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The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

George: Well, she apologized, and then she wanted to know if we could get together Wednesday afternoon.
Jerry: Get together?
George: Maybe she just wants to talk to me.
Elaine: Married women don't "get together", they have affairs.
George: Oh my God, an affair. It's so adult. It's like with stockings and martinis and William Holden. On the other hand, it probably wouldn't cost me any money.

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The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

Elaine: What does it mean anyways, "God bless you"? It's a stupid stuperstition.
Jerry: A stupid what?
Elaine: Whatever.

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The Good Samaritan - S3-E20

George: I said "God bless you", is that so wrong?
Jerry: The question is, did you allow a space for the husband to come in with his "God bless you"? Because, as the husband, he has the right of first refusal.
George: Yes, yes, I definitely waited. But let me say this, once he passes on that option, that "God bless you" is up for grabs.
Jerry: No argument, unless she's one of these multiple sneezers and he's holding his "God bless you" in advance until she completes the series.
George: Well I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed again later, and it it was also a single.
Jerry: What if she's having an off night?

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The Jimmy - S6-E19

Jimmy: Oh yeah, Jimmy's ready. Check Jimmy out. Jimmy's got some new moves. [Slips and falls from the water.] Jimmy's down.

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Continuity mistake: When Max is on the train, after finding out about the stitcher, he's next to a poster ad that has people in it. After the shot of the couple kissing, the poster ad has changed to just having words on it. The person standing next to the seats changes too, and then in the final shot is gone. (00:21:55)

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Trivia: Dr. Dae-Sun tells the TV interviewer that the Synths have "Asimov blocks" in their programming so they can not do us any harm. This is a reference to science fiction writer Isaac Asimov and his "3 laws of robotics."

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First Blood - S1-E1

Factual error: While at the lodge of the safari camp, they find lion tracks. However, there are distinct nail imprints in the tracks. Lions have retractable claws and do not leave nail prints when walking.

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Sheriff Teasle: Are you telling me that 200 men against your boy is a no-win situation for us?
Colonel Trautman: If you send that many, don't forget one thing.
Sheriff Teasle: What?
Colonel Trautman: A good supply of body bags. (00:48:05)

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