Jimmie: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
Marco: You are sick.
Bryce: I only wanted to get laid, instead I'm getting fucked.
Heather Donahue: I just want to apologize to Josh's mom, and Mike's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said "keep going south." I was the one who said that we were not lost. It was my fault, because it was my project. I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!
Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it.
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'.
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare.
Freddy: Shakespeare?
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now.
Marcus: I rebuke the spirit of drugs in the name of Jesus. What's his name?
Drummer: I.B. Bangin'.
Marcus: What you mean I.B. Bangin'?
Drummer: I.B. Bangin'.
Marcus: What the hell kind of name is I.B. Bangin'?
Drummer: I don't know his real name.
I.B.'s Girlfriend: It's Frederick Smith.
Marcus: Okay, Freddy.
I.B.'s Girlfriend: It's Frederick.
Marcus: Okay, I.B. Bangin', we're gonna bring you back from the dead.
Rachel Lang: Please. Don't leave me. I don't have anyone. Please, God... let me die.
Kathryn: So I assume you've come here to make arrangements, but unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.
Amber Atkins: Loretta, never have kids.
Loretta: Oh, honey, God bless ya for thinking I still could.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Tammy Metzler: If you died right now, I would throw myself into one of my Dad's cement trucks and get poured into your tomb.
Cardinal: We're not afraid to die for our cause.
Jericho Cane: Good, because I'm not afraid to kill you.
Sarah: Are you on a new book?
Maurice Bendrix: Of course.
Sarah: It's not about us, is it? The one you threatened to write?
Maurice Bendrix: A book takes a year to write. It's too hard work for revenge.
Sarah: If only you knew how little you had to revenge.
Maurice Bendrix: I'm joking. We are adults. We knew it had to end some time. Now we can have lunch and talk about your husband.
Gary: I'm sure every man and his dog has tried a line on you, but has anyone ever told you you have very sad eyes?
Joanna: Well, yes, they have, Gary. Has anyone ever told you you need a shower?
Albert Collins: Silence is the most beautiful noise in the world.
Lord Arthur Goring: To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer John Brown: Every time I close my eyes.
Theo Calder: I'm Dr. Calder. You've been charged with one count of murder and found incompetent to stand trial.
Pete: She had a demon in her for a while. My neighbour, Mrs. Karsh.
Theo Calder: Mm-hmm.
Pete: It would come and go. Nobody saw it... except me.
Theo Calder: What did it look like, the demon?
Pete: Um... Did you ever see "Alien" with Sigourney Weaver?
Theo Calder: It looked like a giant insect?
Pete: No. It looked like Sigourney Weaver.
