Heather Donahue: I tell you guys, two more hours max.
Peter Steinberg: You've made your big gay bed and now you must slumber gaily in it.
Ghost Dog: Even if one's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should be able to do one more action with certainty. With martial valor, if one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, though his head is cut off, he should not die.
Cynthia: We don't even have money in our budget for coffee filters. We're using a yarmulke.
Kathryn: So I assume you've come here to make arrangements, but unfortunately, I don't fuck losers.
Fanny Price: Life seems nothing more than a quick succession of busy nothings.
Kit's Agent: This is a great script! Look, it's not Shakespeare, but it.
Kit: Hey, what did you just say?
Agent: I said, 'it's not Shakespeare'.
Kit: 'It's not Shake... ', 'It's not Shake... ' (to Freddy) Do you hear what he's doing?
Freddy: I know he's doing something, I just can't put my finger on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah... What's he doing?
Kit: Shakespeare, Freddy, Shakespeare.
Freddy: Shakespeare?
Kit: Shake a spear! Spearchucker! I'm a spearchucker now.
Bud Kilmer: It makes me wonder if you know the different between a sneeze and a wet fart.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Donna: Where are we?
Joe: It's a little inlet, on the back side of Coashov Island.
Donna: Is that like up Shit Creek without a paddle?
Joe: Yeah, pretty much.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Graham: What, would you tie her to your bed and zap her to death, or are you running low on batteries?
Frank Pierce: Oh, I see. With all the poor people of this city who wanted only to live and were viciously murdered, you have the nerve to sit here, wanting to die, and not go through with it? You make me sick.
Agent: Do you have a history of emotional problems, Mr. Wigand?
Jeffrey Wigand: Yes. Yes, I do. I get extremely emotional when assholes put bullets in my mailbox.
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Twister: I got a four-year-old nephew who works harder than you do.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
Young Frank: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a minute since my last confession.
Sheriff Kelton: Sue, are you sure you aren't still trying to save a girl who died twenty years ago?
Danny Riordan, Clermont Resident: Well, you know, Alvin, there's a lot of hills bigger than Clairmont's between here and Zion. Even if you get that mower running again, it might still break down.
Alvin Straight: Well, you're a kind man talking to a stubborn man.