Pnub: Don't you watch the news?
Anton: I hate that fucking show.
Betsy Jobs: You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth.
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Honey, will you put the kids to bed?
Madman's wife: Why can't we hire a maid?
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Why did I ever get married?
T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
Coleye: This is similar to the Martian incident of 1963.
Armitan: Careful, stupid. Not only is that incident classified, it never happened.
Dave: Why are we doing this?
Chase: As a protest.
Dave: Of what?
Ray: People, right?
Chase: Sheep.
Ray: Check, Dave. We're doing this to protest sheep.
Dave: And what specifically about sheep do we object to?
Ray: Chase?
Chase: General herding mentality.
Christmas Jones: Doctor Jones. Christmas Jones. And, no jokes. I've heard them all.
James Bond: I don't know any doctor jokes.
Dino Velvet: If there was no honor among perverts and pornographers, the whole fucking business would fall apart.
Nick Chen: Beef intestine noodle?
Danny Wallace: Uh, no.
Nick Chen: You wanna be Chinese, you gotta eat the gross stuff.
Nick Parks: C'mon, I made the ultimate sacrifice: 1 first class ticket for 3 economy.
Alice Marano: You'll never know what you ultimately sacrificed.
Brandon: Lana, you are one cranky girl.
Lester: Janey, today I quit my job. And then I told my boss to go fuck himself and blackmailed him for almost $60,000. Please pass the asparagus.
Emmet Ray: I didn't ask your opinion. I'm just telling ya how it's gonna go.
Mitsuo Katagiri: Godzillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Theo: You feel cut off from the world, but the world has missed you. Happy tossing and turning.
Adam: Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.
Peggy: Have you heard my husband's morning show?"Wake Up With Flem?"
Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter: He who bemoans the lack of opportunity, forgets that small doors many times open up into large rooms.