Tony Clifton: I think you sat in some cottage cheese. Oh, pardon me, that's your ass.
Homer: You know, it, uh, won't fly unless somebody pushes the button. It's yours, if you want it.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Dutch Van Den Broeck: What happens if you don't get elected?
Kay Chandler: The country goes to hell.
Lois McNally: If you need anything call me, although I don't know how to do anything except buy clothes.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
Vinny: You fuckin' make me sick, you fuckin' slut.
Dionna: I am a slut? You're calling me a slut? You lowlife piece of fuckin' shit - you fucked - my - cousin! You didn't think I knew about that! I smelled her pussy juice all over your fuckin' face! You fuckin' sick bastard! How dare you? And all this time I'm thinking there's something wrong with me! You perverted sick fuck.
Elsa Morganthal Strauss-Armistan: If I hadn't been there for you then, you wouldn't be here for me NOW.
Detective McBain: I think I made the age-old mistake: Never trust a beautiful woman.
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
Billy Bob: It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work.
Sharon Tiller: Get some perspective, Lowell.
Lowell Bergman: I got perspective.
Sharon Tiller: No, you do not.
Lowell Bergman: From my perspective, what's been going on and what I've been doing is ridiculous. It's half-measures.
Sharon Tiller: You're not listening. Really know what you're gonna do before you do it.
Moff: See ya later Pete, no-one gives a fuck about ya.
Alvin Straight: I want to thank you for your kindness to a stranger.
Danny Riordan, Clermont Resident: It's been a genuine pleasure having you here, Alvin. Write to us some time.
Alvin Straight: I will.
Jimmy Sands: Clip their wings? Man, could you just shoot their damn heads off? And don't miss.
Assistant at Bewitched: You're wanted on the set.
Lucille: Honey, I'm wanted in seven states.
Edmund Bertram: Surely you and I are beyond speaking when words are not enough.