Lola Manners: You never know when a girl might need a bullet.
Fievel: Have no fear. Filly the Kid is here.
Rooster Cogburn: Say, uh, there's one thing I would like to get straight.
Eula: Hmm.
Rooster Cogburn: We both know that the Lord brands lyin' a sin. You think He'll still smile on you after them whoppers you told in there?
Eula: And if thy words stray from the truth for the good of God's own, if thy intent be pure, thou shall not then be judged sinful.
Rooster Cogburn: Beautiful quotation. What book? What chapter?
Eula: I will confess, Reuben, it is of my own invention, I just made it up.
Maj. Amos Dundee: I have only three commands. When I signal you to come, you come. When I signal you to charge, you charge. And when I signal you to run - you follow me and run like hell.
Widow: He made them murder my husband, he will take everything we have.
Sam Chisolm: So you seek revenge?
Widow: I seek righteousness. But I'll take revenge.
Gil Westrum: Don't worry about? about anything. I'll take care of it, just like you would have.
Steve Judd: Hell, I know that. I always did... You just forgot it for a while, that's all.
Lt. Elgin: Spivy! You bash that prisoner one more time, I'll put those shackles on you.
Sam McCord: George, a wonderful thing about Alaska is that matrimony hasn't hit up here yet. Let's keep it a free country.
Capt. James West: Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it.
Sir Francis Gromarty: One thousand pounds for an elephant? It's outrageous! You've been diddled.
Phileas Fogg: Undoubtedly. But it's not often one needs an elephant in a hurry.
Miss Jones: Rosie, how many times you been married?
Rosie: Eleven. Ten without a preacher or license.
Miss Jones: Well, did you love any of 'em?
Rosie: Oh, all of 'em! Every one of 'em! The good and the bad. It's a shame to waste all that prime beef on a guy serving three to five in a prison. Do you keep in touch?
Miss Jones: Oh, he's kind of a lousy letter writer.
Rosie: A lousy bank robber, too.
Old Lodge Skins: Let's go back to the teepee and eat, my son. My new snake wife cooks dog very well.
Jack Crabb: All right, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: She also has a very soft skin. The only trouble with snake women is they copulate with horses, which makes them strange to me. She say's she doesn't. That's why I call her "Doesn't Like Horses." But, of course, she's lying.
Sheriff Sam Deeds: Well, I'm working on a few things. I'm going over to the other side.
Ray: Republicans?
Sheriff Sam Deeds: No, Mexico.
Maverick: Well, now, I bring all sorts of plusses to the table. I hardly ever bluff and I never ever cheat.
Roy O'Bannon: Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one hell of a man.
Chon Wang: He's only twelve.
Roy O'Bannon: Are you kidding me? You're sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped?
Loni Packwood: I say this is the last straw. I came back from the war, my farm was burned down, my cows was dead. And now my wife's run off with my cousin Jeb. That son of a bitch. He took my dog.
Rev. Elcott: Sounds like Pansy has the croup.
Bick Benedict: Just remember, one of these days, that bourbon's gonna kill you.
Uncle Bawley: Okay, it'll be me or it. One of us has gotta go.
