James Pepper: You know, there's an old saying, Miss Sally. There's no law west of Dodge and no God west of the Pecos. Right, Mr. Chisum?
John Simpson Chisum: Wrong, Mr. Pepper. Because no matter where people go, sooner or later there's the law. And sooner or later they find God's already been there.
John O'Hanlan: Well, how much money does he need to get her liver fixed?
Jenny: Five hundred dollars.
John O'Hanlan: Five hundred dollars for a liver?
Jenny: That's what the big doctor in Chicago charges. And he's got all kinds of fancy letters in back of his name.
John O'Hanlan: I don't care what's in back of his name! Five hundred dollars - that's more than you have to pay for a good horse.
Dr. Jones: Mr, UH?
Cord McNally: Doesn't matter.
Dr. Jones: Well, Mr Doesn't matter we ought to give them one last good yell, they usually yell a lot when I give them a shot of this.
Cord McNally: YOW! That's the real stuff.
Dr. Jones: Well, if you had been a good enough actor I wouldn't have used it.
Cord McNally: Cord McNally.
Old Lodge Skins: Let's go back to the teepee and eat, my son. My new snake wife cooks dog very well.
Jack Crabb: All right, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: She also has a very soft skin. The only trouble with snake women is they copulate with horses, which makes them strange to me. She say's she doesn't. That's why I call her "Doesn't Like Horses." But, of course, she's lying.
Woodward Lopeman: Why do you work at it so hard proving you're a son-of-a-bitch.
Paris Pittman Jr.: Because I am. It's my profession and I'm on top.
John Morgan: It just occurred to me... I've traveled halfway around the world, at great expense, simply to kill a different kind of bird.