Beatrix Potter: We did it! Did you hear my heart? It was a kettle drum! You see, we can't stay home all our lives! We must present ourselves to the world, and we must look upon it as an adventure.
Carl Peterson: You get your first ten-speed bike, and suddenly you're Lance Armstrong.
Dupree: Let's leave Lance out of this. Guy's done more with one testicle than you and I could do with three.
Tom Dobbs: If Mama Cass had shared a lunch with Karen Carpenter, both would still be alive today... What do I think of gay marriage? I believe gays have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.
Dr. Lwaxana Goodwyn: When this school was first established, and enchantment was placed on the campus. All spells cast at Witch University become permanent at midnight on Halloween.
Marnie Piper: You mean 'permanent, permanent'?
Dr. Lwaxana Goodwyn: Indeed. And for many years it was a fine deterrent. Until we had a small mishap.
Marnie Piper: How small?
Dr. Lwaxana Goodwyn: A simple, magical housecleaning lesson went horribly wrong. Half the freshman class had to be sent home as teacups.