Jack Frost: Would you like to be my elf?
Sylvia Newman: Huh?
Jack Frost: You heard me.
Max Skinner: You tried to drown me.
Fanny Chenal: And you tried to run me over in your little car.
Professor Jules Hilbert: The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy.To quote Italo Calvino, "The ultimate meaning to which all stories refer has two faces: the continuity of life, the inevitability of death." Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.
Rupert Potter: Our daughter is famous, Helen. You're the only person who doesn't know it.
Ted, The Man with the Yellow Hat: His magnificent idol looks like it came out of a cereal box.
Junior Bloomsberry: Wow. That must be a huge box of cereal.
Walter Fane: It was silly of us to look for qualities in each other that we never had.
Nikki: Some men change. Well, they don't change - they reveal. They reveal themselves over time, you know?
Felix: The last time someone messed with my master, he was never seen or heard from again.
Derek: That's not true.
Felix: You're right, they did find a shoe.
Kevin Fischer: What's wrong?
Wendy Christensen: It's nothing. It's just that I'm going to be worrying about you every second while you're gone.
Kevin Fischer: Why would you worry about me? We don't even like each other, remember?
Victor: Now, I think we'd better go inside before we become a tourist attraction.
Calvin: Baby, up up.
Doug Carlin: I'll speak slow, so those of you with Ph.D.'s in the room can understand.
Ben Willis: I read once about a woman whose secret fantasy was to have an affair with an artist. She thought he would really see her. He would see every curve, every line, every indentation and love them because they were part of the beauty that made her unique.
Randal Graves: Emma, are you like this 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
Emma: You just *had* to tell him, didn't ya?
Dante Hicks: It kinda came out one day!
Randal Graves: He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all kinds of weird things about him that I don't even wanna think about.
Owen Davian: We've implanted an explosive charge in your head. Does that sound familiar?
Nicholas: They are vertically intergrated, they're.
Det. Ricardo Tubbs: You mean they walk around with constant erections?
Nicholas: No, they farm, process, produce, export.
Det. Ricardo Tubbs: I know what it means.
Roy Washburn: What were you doing at 100 miles per hour?
Catherine Tramell: He was making me cum. And it was 110. We must've hit a pothole.
Roy Washburn: Kevin Franks died. You don't seem very worried.
Catherine Tramell: I'm devastated... I may never cum again.
Oliver: This isn't a war. This is like humans fighting maggots. Or dragons fighting wolves. Or humans on dragons throwing wolves at maggots.