Sheriff of Nottingham: Locksley! I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon.
Robin Hood: Then it begins.
Marlboro: My old man told me, before he left this shitty world, never chase buses or women, you'll always be left behind.
Commissioner Brumford: [On phone.] Hello? He did what? How many animals escaped? Oh, my god.
Frank: Hello, Commissioner. You're looking lovely this evening.
Commissioner Brumford: Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons?
Frank: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?
Chucky: Don't fuck with the Chuck.
John Connor: We've got company.
Miles Dyson: Police?
Sarah Connor: How many?
John Connor: Uh, all of them, I think.
Topper Harley: My father used to say that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure she's a great piece of tail, with a blouse full of goodies, but... It's just illegal. Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who do nothing but play the banjo... Eat apple sauce through a straw... Pork farm animals.
Captain James T. Kirk: Spock, you want to know something? Everybody's human.
Captain Spock: I find that remark... Insulting.
Pappas: Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face.
Firefighter Brian McCaffrey: You see that glow flashing in the corner of your eye? That's your career dissipation light. It just went into high gear.
Zorro: I was promised seven bags of rice to turn you into mince meat and put you in a pie.
Danielle: Where are you anyway?
Alex Wagner: I'm taking my brother on a fishing trip.
Danielle: Give him a big kiss for me, all right?
Alex Wagner: Big kiss? I'll give him a big kick in the ass, that's what I'll give him.
Cdr. Camparelli: But if I catch either one of you shitting in some vital area on my ship, I will have you keelhauled! And that's serious on an aircraft carrier.
Leonardo: I'm Leonardo.
Michelangelo: I'm Michaelangelo.
Donatello: Donatello.
Raphael: I'm Raphael.
Michalangelo: All the good ones end in "O".
William "Billy" Tepper: All right, what now?
Derek 'Yogurt': All right, all right. Very, very carefully take the red chip out of the receiver.
William "Billy" Tepper: There is no red chip.
Derek 'Yogurt': There must be.
William "Billy" Tepper: Well I'm sorry, there isn't. There's a blue chip the same size as the red chip, but there's no red chip.
Derek 'Yogurt': That must be it then.
William "Billy" Tepper: Well is it, or isn't it?
Derek 'Yogurt': I don't know.
Alley Thug: Wrong place, wrong time. Nothing personal.
Joe Hallenbeck: That's what you think. Last night I fucked your wife.
Alley Thug: Oh you did, hah? How'd you know it was my wife?
Joe Hallenbeck: She said her husband was a big pimp lookin' motherfucker with a hat.
Alley Thug: Oh, you're real cool for a guy about to take a bullet.
Joe Hallenbeck: After fucking your wife I'll take two.
Johnny Murata: We do this right. Like a cop in the 20th century and not some warrior, we're gonna get this guy. And when we're done we're gonna go eat fish off those naked chicks.
Chains: You know, it's in moments like this that I think of my father's last words. Which were: "Don't son, that gun is loaded!"
Darwin Mayflower: History, tradition, culture... are not concepts! These are trophies I keep in my den as paperweights! The chaos we will cause with this machine will be our final masterpiece.