Victor: I'm Lin. You Jackson? You look like a Jackson. That must make you Frank Ducks.
Frank Dux: No, it's DUX.
Victor: Oh, right, like put up your dukes.
Fester: Hey dude, what time does school get out?
Hammer: I don't know. I never stayed to the end.
Kellie Frost: I don't like Bull Riders... They're little men with big egos. Besides, he's got one of them skinny butts like the rest of em'.
Kelly's Mom: Honey, I judge a man more by the size of his heart then his rear... It's likely to do you more good.
Jesse: Dude, I could kick the dude out of you.
Terry Silver: A man can't stand, he can't fight.
Jane Aubrey: You ever gotten your heart broken?
Billy Chapel: Yeah. When we lost the pennant in '87.
Morris Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins.
Roy Hobbs: Pick me out a winner Bobby.
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Coach: This is a joke, I mean dogs don't play basketball!
Chaney: What's the matter, afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Coaches: Put him in.
Reggie: I see buckets of dead relatives! Extra crispy! Extra crispy.
Coach Rig: You go out there, you tear their fucking heads off and you shit down their necks! Let us pray.
Hope: Hey - Yo. Which one of you guys want to buy me a drink?
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs.
Hope: That's me.
Cute Guy at Bar: That's you?
Hope: Yep.
Cute Guy at Bar: You look nice.
Hope: I still, like, hardly ever get my period. So you don't gotta worry about knocking me up. You could fuck me all raw and shit.
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs Wow. So, if we buy you a drink.
Hope: Will I let you double team me? Absolutely.
Cute Guy at Bar: Could you just leave us alone?
Aash: My wife loves it when I have to take a cab home because I'm too intoxicated to drive.
Football Announcer: Our next defeat is scheduled for next Friday, 8 o'clock.
Ralph Walker: Father Hibbert.
Father George Hibbert: What is it Mr. Walker?
Ralph Walker: Producing a miracle is possible?
Father George Hibbert: Like flying to the moon is possible, but it's never going to happen.
Drew 'Bundini' Brown: Now I'm Jewish and he's Muslim, and because of that he tells me I need to give up certain things, like pork and white women... I can give up the Pork, but the white women? God Damn, how the hell do you do that?
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Honey, will you put the kids to bed?
Madman's wife: Why can't we hire a maid?
Patrick 'Madman' Kelly: Why did I ever get married?
Bruno Anthony: I have a theory that you should do everything before you die.